Newsgeeker.com news site RSS Email Alerts

Comedy


[Comedy] Plogging

Running for exercise and picking up trash you find along the way. It's good for the body, mind, soul, and environment! Started in Sweden but is making its way to the U. S.

It's nice out and the city is filthy. Let's go plogging!

Published:5/22/2019 2:08:03 AM
[Comedy] @Mimiification When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT. Published:5/19/2019 12:35:22 PM
[Comedy] How the biggest new comic-arts festival reflects better representation for women This weekend's National Cartoonist Society Festival in Southern California embraces fields where female cartoonists are thriving. Published:5/18/2019 7:25:31 AM
[Comedy] @ClifSosa Astrology Girls will straight up hit you with their car and say “whoops lol, it’s because I’m a caprisun” Published:5/17/2019 5:51:51 PM
[Comedy] ‘Rage 2’ is a game that’s confidently bland If all you’re looking for is good shooting mechanics, the game has you covered. Published:5/16/2019 11:49:54 AM
[Comedy] A new comic book paints Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez as a superhero — literally — on the Hill Left-leaning cartoonists gave rookie members of Congress supernatural strength in “Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Freshman Force (New Party, Who Dis?)” Published:5/15/2019 11:41:42 AM
[Comedy] @DomesticGoddss "What do you want for Mother's Day?" my 10 year old asks, as he steps over the lacrosse stick he left in the middle of the dining room floor for the past 3 days. Published:5/15/2019 9:44:58 AM
[Comedy] An interesting concept forms the basis of ‘Heaven’s Vault’ but it takes a while to grab you The visual novel dramatizes the grind and reward of leaning a foreign language, and progressing through the game’s worlds is dependent upon adding to your vocabulary. Published:5/10/2019 2:08:39 PM
[Comedy] milk in first

Pouring milk in your cup before the coffee. Similar to "pouring the milk first" when preparing cereal.

He's a milk in first sort of person -- I wouldn't trust him.

Published:5/8/2019 2:54:56 AM
[Comedy] How William Barr is coming under contemptuous fire, according to cartoons Visual satire points to the growing showdown between the House and the White House. Published:5/7/2019 3:08:31 PM
[Comedy] summarize

To get ready for warm weather.

The teacher asked me to summarize my argument, so I took out all the parts about eskimoes.

Published:5/7/2019 2:09:29 AM
[Comedy] The new ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’ trailer has huge spoilers for ‘Avengers: Endgame’ The teaser exploits the interconnectedness of a cinematic Universe like few trailers can. Published:5/6/2019 10:34:47 AM
[Comedy] @rikkibrumbaugh Dude I’m the worst when it comes to packing for trips. Like I know I won't need 20 pairs of underwear for a 5 day trip but what if I pee my pants twice every single day I'm there Published:5/4/2019 5:51:00 PM
[Comedy] @worldslive when i was in 3rd grade i brought a snack and my teacher said “do you have enough for the whole class?” and i said no and then he told me to throw them out so the next day i brought 27 packs of cheezits for the whole class and that’s when i became a Published:5/4/2019 5:20:27 PM
[Comedy] Shoot me straight

Tell truth be honest

If I ask you a question will you shoot me straight?

Published:5/4/2019 2:20:07 AM
[Comedy] ‘Mortal Kombat 11’ lives up to its reputation: Brash, fun and ridiculously violent You'll be left slack-jawed by the close-up piercings, stabbings, and guttings. It's certainly not one for the kids. Published:5/3/2019 3:43:26 PM
[Comedy] At the Herblock Prize ceremony, Jake Tapper says the spirit of political ‘outrage’ is a must Matt Davies of Newsday and runner-up Clay Jones were saluted at the annual ceremony, which celebrates editorial cartooning. Published:5/3/2019 12:17:01 PM
[Comedy] horny on main

a slang term for posting or engaging with sexual posts on your main social media account, rather than a secondary one that you’d usually use for that purpose. the phrased spawned on tumblr, after ted cruz liked a vore fetish drawing on his main, verified account.

“real men don’t wait until 4am to get horny on main”

“@_____ y’all nasty”

Published:5/3/2019 2:11:28 AM
[Comedy] Why Robert Downey Jr. deserves an Oscar for ‘Avengers: Endgame,’ according to its directors Despite the praise for Downey Jr.’s work, the actor has not received a single major-award nomination as Iron Man — another sign of the apparent bias against superhero roles. Published:5/2/2019 7:04:49 AM
[Comedy] french tuck

The fashion act of tucking only front of the shirt in the pants, as popularised (to the point of memetic mutation) by Tan France on Queer Eye reboot.

Look at them, they're wearing a patterned shirt and a french tuck now, this is a Tan France outfit if i saw one!

Published:5/2/2019 2:33:43 AM
[Comedy] @lovelylaineybug But is anyone really confident with the way they say "Worcestershire sauce"? Published:5/1/2019 3:30:36 PM
[Comedy] antistalking

Methodically learning another person's routine in order to systematically avoid them.

Bradley is antistalking his boss today because he hates the bastard.

Published:5/1/2019 2:27:59 AM
[Comedy] @donni Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows Published:4/29/2019 6:17:24 PM
[Comedy] ‘Avengers: Endgame’ shatters box-office records with a $1.2 billion global debut The latest Marvel film grossed $350 million domestically, massively blowing past industry projections. Published:4/28/2019 12:09:55 PM
[Comedy] @BradWenzel I wish scarecrow was a real job. I’d be good at that. I go months without seeing a crow. They want none of this. Published:4/27/2019 6:36:59 PM
[Comedy] Who dies in ‘Avengers: Endgame’? Here are the four biggest spoilers. For those of you who don't want to sit in a movie theater for three hours. Published:4/27/2019 7:03:53 AM
[Comedy] Tired of the zombie apocalypse? Sure. But ‘Days Gone’ can still provide hours of entertainment. It's pretty easy to set aside a lack of interest in the game’s setup and just enjoy the process of eking out survival in a picturesque wasteland. Published:4/26/2019 11:58:40 AM
[Comedy] Google has the best ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Easter egg of the day The search engine's nifty trick nods to the past two "Avengers" films. Published:4/26/2019 10:27:54 AM
[Comedy] ‘Avengers: Endgame’ is a thank-you to those who believed in the storytelling power of Marvel Studios So many moments were taken straight from the pages of the comic books, a nod to whom the late Stan Lee always referred to as the “true believers.” Published:4/25/2019 11:22:06 AM
[Comedy] scamazon

Ordering an item on Amazon and claiming it never arrived to your home which results in a refund and you can keep the item.

How'd you get that grinder?

I scamazoned it.

Published:4/25/2019 2:26:24 AM
[Comedy] @aIecrl Today I had 800 mg of caffeine, exercised for 2 hours, ate literally 80 pizza rolls, and did a facemask. The line between self care and self destruction is a fine one but god do I walk it hard brother Published:4/24/2019 1:16:01 PM
[Comedy] 3 actors who played Iron Man’s dad, 2 Captain America sidekicks and $18.6 billion at the box office: Marvel by the numbers Over 11 years, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has accomplished quite a bit. Here's the rundown. Published:4/24/2019 6:18:43 AM
[Comedy] capper

A Cap Is A lie. A capper is a liar. So if someone is capping, they are lying.

That Dude Always Sayin Somethin And Never Do Shit! He's A Capper. He Would Always Cap Over Dumb Shit!

Published:4/24/2019 2:22:39 AM
[Comedy] @AbbyHasIssues It doesn't take much to make me happy. Six meals a day. Ten hours of sleep. A pair of yoga pants, complete solitude, and no social obligations whatsoever. Published:4/23/2019 4:12:12 PM
[Comedy] Which major characters are most likely to die in ‘Avengers: Endgame’? We weigh the odds. And no spoilers here, because we don’t know anything yet. Published:4/23/2019 11:38:42 AM
[Comedy] Brexshitter

A derogatory term for people who voted to leave the EU in the UK's June 2016 EU membership referendum. Often seen on online comment sections and Facebook/Twitter.

"Well since the UK will be a bankrupt third-world country by the year 2020, perhaps you Brexshitters should be volunteering your taxes first since you caused this mess?" - Stereotypical rant by an obvious "Remain" voter.

Published:4/23/2019 2:08:12 AM
[Comedy] Going to see ‘Avengers: Endgame’? Here are the 5 must-watch movies to binge beforehand. Haven't seen the 21 Marvel Cinematic Universe films leading up to this moment? Watch these and you'll be ready. Published:4/22/2019 11:31:54 AM
[Comedy] Swooped

When a guy is at a party and is trying to get with a girl and another guy comes to the party and takes her

Charles: go get with Zarah!!
Jackson: No Bro arran already Swooped her

Published:4/22/2019 2:31:49 AM
[Comedy] hit the dip

to run away from a scene or person as fast as you possibly can

I hooked off on this dude and his boys saw me so i hit the dip and got the hell out of there.

Published:4/21/2019 2:23:46 AM
[Comedy] How next week’s New Yorker cover is a luminous tribute to Notre Dame Cathedral Art director chooses art through a personal lens: visual ties to her native Paris. Published:4/20/2019 5:20:40 PM
[Comedy] dip

1. v., to leave, depart
2. v., to place tobacco between the gums and lower lip
3. n., shortened form of "dipshit", i.e. a stupid, annoying, or displeasing person

You're a stupid dip, you know that!?

Published:4/20/2019 2:18:03 AM
[Comedy] Cartoonists skewer Barr and Trump amid release of Mueller report Satirists are accustomed to lampooning Trump, but their latest work reflects the degree to which many have found a new target in Barr. Published:4/19/2019 2:18:28 PM
[Comedy] @marysuewriter every time i see the phrase "b&b" i know i'm supposed to think of a bed and breakfast, but thanks to the internet my brain always defaults to "bungeons and bragons" Published:4/19/2019 9:44:15 AM
[Comedy] head change

the point at which one feels a definitive change in his or her behavior and equilibrium from the effects of a drug (most commonly in reference to marijuana)

nah, he's a heavyweight, he can blaze mad and not even get a head change

Published:4/19/2019 2:12:57 AM
[Comedy] @AlannaBennett Is New York culture it taking 3+ months of back and forth to gather 7 busy adults together for dinner when it's not an official birthday or party Published:4/18/2019 6:36:38 AM
[Comedy] mob it

leaving where ever your at with your "crew" or "mob".

kyleigh:hey dude this shits gay lets mob it.
everyone:alright man

Published:4/18/2019 2:17:23 AM
[Comedy] ‘Avengers: Endgame’ is a really big deal — for more reasons than you may think The new movie concludes an unprecedented run: the most successful Jenga game of interconnected films in Hollywood history. Published:4/17/2019 1:03:28 PM
[Comedy] Basic Bad Bitch

An 'edgy', delusional version of the basic bitch. "Live, laugh, love" posters are replaced with snarky t-shirts proclaiming her basic badness. Thinks her impulsive decision to by a cheetah print crotch-rocket is somehow less transparent than a middle-aged dude suddenly deciding he's a Harley guy.

A basic bad bitch is a basic bitch with heavier eyeliner.

Published:4/17/2019 2:32:48 AM
[Comedy] will it grow back

A desperate expression of hope.

When the nurse threw her finger in the bin, Nikki exclaimed in a desperate fashion "will it grow back?".

Published:4/16/2019 2:24:14 AM
[Comedy] How the Trayvon Martin tragedy led to Darrin Bell’s historical editorial cartooning Pulitzer Tragedy and family compelled the "Candorville" cartoonist to move into political cartooning, where he is believed to be the first African American artist to win the editorial cartooning Pulitzer. Published:4/15/2019 3:18:44 PM
[Comedy] ‘Hellboy’ is a stark reminder that not all comic-book movies do well at the box office Neil Marshall's trilogy reboot opened to a dismal $12 million. Published:4/15/2019 12:49:14 PM
[Comedy] @trumpetcake I dressed as a chimp for 4 years to win a woman's heart. Eventually I realized that disguising myself was a breech of trust and revealing myself would be a betrayal. I stayed a chimp 3 more years, contributing to important data she was collecting. I Published:4/12/2019 2:03:50 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Rise of Skywalker’ trailer: 6 takeways from the Star Wars Episode IX celebration Star Wars unveils "Episode IX" details. Published:4/12/2019 1:35:29 PM
[Comedy] gl2u

Good Luck To You.

The game is about to start, gl2u Jenny.

Published:4/12/2019 2:32:34 AM
[Comedy] ‘Yoshi’s Crafted World’ is capital ‘C’ cute It might primarily appeal to kids but adults should recognize that nothing this endearing can be accomplished without a lot of great work. Published:4/11/2019 2:28:55 PM
[Comedy] Daniel Dae Kim in ‘Hellboy’ is the rare happy ending for Hollywood’s whitewashing problem When the reboot of the comic-book film faced a whitewashing controversy, the Korean actor was part of the solution. Published:4/11/2019 6:26:18 AM
[Comedy] @LurkAtHomeMom Just threw my phone across the room bc it took more than 4 seconds for an image to load, how did we survive 1997 Published:4/10/2019 5:43:24 PM
[Comedy] 5 takeaways from the new ‘Lion King’ trailer, from a questionable Scar to heartfelt callbacks A new "Lion King" trailer has landed, and Pride Rock 2019 stirs nostalgia and gripes. Published:4/10/2019 12:17:58 PM
[Comedy] ‘Nancy’ and artist Olivia Jaimes continue to make the comics page ‘lit’ one year in Under a new creator, the eight-decade-old strip has enjoyed a 400 percent spike in online traffic — and nearly a doubling of newspaper sales. Published:4/9/2019 11:08:38 AM
[Comedy] The Triple B

otherwise known as "back burner bitch."
a name for someone who your group of friends doesnt particularly like to hang out with, but if you are alone and all other friends are busy, you call your "triple b" and they are always anxious and willing to hang out.

pretty much a friend who will always be a last resort and they have no idea.

bob: hey are we all hanging out tonight?!
fred: of course, is The Triple B coming?
fred: uh, no dude.
bob: thank god...

-a day later-

bob: hey mark! freds out of town, do you wanna come over and chill?
mark: WOULD I EVER!

Published:4/6/2019 2:16:14 AM
[Comedy] ‘Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice’ is so challenging you might need to toss the controller aside and go for a long walk It's likely that all but the most committed players or those with ace gaming skills will not make it to the end. Published:4/5/2019 8:13:10 AM
[Comedy] With heart and humor, Zachary Levi says ‘Shazam!’ feels like ‘a very different type’ of DC movie Levi, Asher Angel and Mark Strong talk about making a superhero movie that balances fun with the darkness. Published:4/5/2019 5:08:29 AM
[Comedy] ttyfal

Talk to your fat ass later

Ali: Talk to you later princess.
Tish: ttyfal.

Published:4/5/2019 2:09:41 AM
[Comedy] pasted

Pasted is the state of consciousness when an individual is so stoned that they are literally unable to move, finding themselves pasted to the couch or their attention pasted to some form of entertainment like a movie, or a long series of Youtube videos.

I was so pasted last night I watched all of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 4.

Published:4/4/2019 2:32:44 AM
[Comedy] @annabroges modern friendship is texting "remind me of your address again" back and forth forever even though there's a space to save addresses right there in your contacts Published:4/3/2019 1:31:14 PM
[Comedy] How Joe Biden’s touching of women is being skewered by cartoonists (and Trump) The former vice president comes under satire's scrutiny as he weighs the 2020 race. Published:4/3/2019 12:58:17 PM
[Comedy] The new 'Joker’ trailer feels less like a comic-book movie and more like early Scorsese Think less "Suicide Squad" and more "The King of Comedy." Published:4/3/2019 11:32:24 AM
[Comedy] that's the move

That's what's up, or thats what we/i should do. Can also be said as "that's not the move"

Ex.
"I just picked up a pound bro, let's slang it!"
"That's the move man"

Published:4/3/2019 2:33:55 AM
[Comedy] The ‘Avengers: Endgame’ trailers have given us absolutely nothing. And that’s just fine. The newest trailer, released the same day tickets went on sale, continues a trend of minimal information. Published:4/2/2019 12:22:13 PM
[Comedy] Press

To approach someone in a disrespectfull way or to confront someone and question them.

Kid #1: Yo i heard ant was talkin mad smack about you
Kid #2: aiight imma press him and find out if he was

Published:4/2/2019 2:18:59 AM
[Comedy] ‘Dumbo’ didn’t blow away the box office. Should Disney be concerned for its other remakes? Tim Burton's remake of the 1941 classic opened to only $45 million -- the lowest of the recent animation-to-live-action reimaginings. Published:4/1/2019 2:46:03 PM
[Comedy] brexit

A loud, drawn-out, angsty goodbye that interrupts the party; the opposite of an Irish goodbye

"I can't believe Olivia pulled such a brexit. Suddenly my birthday party was all about her."

Published:4/1/2019 2:49:06 AM
[Comedy] With the shits

Chicago slang, means to be in agreement with something

Are you with the shits tonight?
Yea dude

Published:3/31/2019 2:06:35 AM
[Comedy] Fetch

Stop trying to make it happen.
It's not going to happen.

"That's so fetch!"
"Shut up, Gretchen. Stop trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen."

Published:3/30/2019 2:32:36 AM
[Comedy] How Jordan Peele’s ‘The Twilight Zone’ plans to honor the original — but deliver a modern spin The revival premieres April 1, when the first two of the season’s 10 episodes become available on CBS All Access. Published:3/29/2019 7:28:54 AM
[Comedy] Spotify and Side Hug

A sad step below "Netflix and Chill", it's what you would do with some "bitch ass punk" you don't want to actually hang out with, let alone have sex with.

Guy: "Hey how about we go back to my place and we Netflix and Chill?"
Girl: "Ummm... How about we just "Spotify and Side Hug instead?"

Published:3/29/2019 2:24:12 AM
[Comedy] ’Tom Clancy’s The Division 2’ is a fun place to visit but you won’t want to live there It's not much more than a cornucopia of hyper-detailed shooting galleries. Published:3/28/2019 1:22:33 PM
[Comedy] hashtalker

A person under the influence of any substance that makes their ramblings sound like they are heavily under the influence of hash

I started talking to some wasted chick at a party. Wasn't sure what she was saying, but I realized she was a hashtalker

Published:3/28/2019 2:17:53 AM
[Comedy] @alyssalimp It’s crazy how when I was a teenager I was so intimidated by other teenagers but now that I’m older and wiser I’m like whaaaat why am I still so intimidated by teenagers Published:3/27/2019 7:46:33 PM
[Comedy] @Megatronic13 Is it really a Pinterest recipe if you didn’t learn about the author’s Italian lineage and how she met her 2nd husband? Published:3/27/2019 7:16:55 PM
[Comedy] mooseterbation

when you start to masterbate at 12:07 and 43 sec a.m. while watching Animal Planet in your Aunt's bedroom.

Dude 1: Dude last night's mooseterbation lasted for 3 hours straight last night
Dude 2: Was it good?
Dude 1: Heck Yes
Trisha: Sick freaks

Published:3/27/2019 2:42:15 AM
[Comedy] egirl

an egirl is a species of emo usually found on tiktok but commonly spends time on tumblr. can be found wearing pink eyeshadow with a large wing, little hearts under the eyes and a blushed nose. normally wearing some type of shirt from urban outfitters over a longsleeve striped shirt. commonly found doing the me!me!me! dance but has probably never seen it before.

did you see that egirl doing a ahegao face unironically??

yeah man

Published:3/26/2019 2:09:50 AM
[Comedy] eboy

A boy that probably skates, has his nails painted w rings, wears beanies, maybe has a cute egirl girlfriend, always wearing vans and long sleeves or hoodies under tshirts, their hair is sometimes parted down the middle. They basically only exist on the internet unfortunately but we can still appreciate them on instagram:(

Nobody:

eboys: “I listen to brockhampton and lil peep??????”

Published:3/25/2019 2:32:25 AM
[Comedy] Diffing

When a group of knob heads gather to wreck their cars by spinning around in circles, usually done by joy riders from west belfast and little boys who think twin (tin) cams and old beemers as old as the hills are cool

diffing - does she go round mister..

Published:3/24/2019 2:24:28 AM
[Comedy] ‘Shazam!’ is DC’s most fun superhero film After failing with "Justice League," Warner Bros. and DC Entertainment finally get a sense of humor. Published:3/23/2019 5:50:49 PM
[Comedy] @unofficialish dogs lick us because they know we have bones inside n they want em Published:3/23/2019 11:49:33 AM
[Comedy] love puff

A silent fart released whilst in bed with your partner, that you were hoping wouldn't smell, but does. By calling it a 'love puff', you hope to maintain some level of cuteness and overcome the curse of the bad smell that threatens to ruin an otherwise romantic moment.

'Oh, whoopsy! I did a little love puff!'

Published:3/23/2019 2:18:02 AM
[Comedy] Cerebral Assassin

A description for one who has superior intellect and utilizes their abilities to outwit any opponent in a competition.

In January 2000, W.W.E. professional wrestler, Triple H, (Hunter Hearst Helmsley) had dubbed himself "The Cerebral Assassin", which implied that he was simply smarter than the other wrestlers.

Published:3/22/2019 4:04:20 PM
[Comedy] Published:3/21/2019 10:01:48 AM
[Comedy] belfie

a 'bottom selfie' - a photographic self-portrait featuring the buttocks, usually posted by female celebrities on social media networks.

"Cheryl Cole joins Kelly Brook and Kim Kardashian by sharing a rose-tinted 'belfie' " …from the 'Daily Heil', 23 October 2013

Published:3/21/2019 10:01:46 AM
[Comedy] @jiatolentino A brief survey of my own text messages is making me wonder if I'm gonna talk like this forever. Like am I going to be 90 years old schlepping my walker around the nursing home & poking my head into friends rooms like "hello my good bitch, the edi Published:3/20/2019 9:01:15 AM
[Comedy] The ‘Toy Story 4’ trailer has left us with four important questions The music — and return of Bo Peep — stirs a range of emotions. Published:3/19/2019 4:25:34 PM
[Comedy] The 10 best moments of ‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,’ on- and off-screen The Academy Award-winning film is available on home video Tuesday. Published:3/19/2019 5:22:52 AM
[Comedy] James Gunn is rehired to direct Disney/Marvel’s ‘Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3’ The franchise filmmaker was fired last summer over old, offensive tweets. Published:3/15/2019 3:01:29 PM
[Comedy] @radioheadass nothing will show you how little you know about yourself than having to write a bio in the third person Published:3/15/2019 10:30:04 AM
[Comedy] @ethiopienne need somebody to come crack my back like a glow stick and then dunk my whole body into a hot spring like it's a bag of lipton Published:3/15/2019 9:30:48 AM
[Comedy] ‘Ape Out’ is a wild, percussion-driven romp The reviewer enjoyed so much he let loose an “Amen!” when the final credits splashed across the screen and the music crashed in. Published:3/14/2019 9:54:12 AM
[Comedy] On ice

Just chillin'

Person 1: what you doin tonight?

Person 2: I'm on ice

Published:3/14/2019 2:20:47 AM
[Comedy] Sen. Patrick Leahy was in 5 Batman movies. Now he’s written the foreword for the superhero’s 80th anniversary. The lifelong fan of the Caped Crusader "couldn't resist the opportunity." Published:3/13/2019 2:49:24 PM
[Comedy] @annabroges today in incredible power moves, my homegoods cashier sniffed each of my candles as she rung them up and nodded or shook her head after each one. Published:3/13/2019 11:17:44 AM
[Comedy] Keep It Player

To not let anything bother you or irritate you, keep it moving; dont dwell, do what you need to do for you

"Did you get that girl's number?"

"Naw she said she had a boyfriend, its coo gotta keep it player"

"All i do is Keep It Player"

Published:3/13/2019 2:14:38 AM
[Comedy] Rate

Rate is slang used by UK people or roadmen to mean like

Yeah Fam I {rate] that still
Naaah I don't rate him

Published:3/12/2019 2:10:59 AM
[Comedy] ‘Captain Marvel’s’ huge opening weekend defies the trolls — and sets the stage for more female-led superhero films Marvel Studios's first solo female film grosses nearly a half-billion dollars worldwide in its debut. Published:3/11/2019 4:06:22 PM
[Comedy] Promposal

(n)- a proposal from one person asking another person to the prom; is the combination of the words "prom" and "proposal."

Jake: I'm thinking about how I'll do my promposal...
Sean: Who're you going to ask?
Jake: Well, I haven't decided yet.
Sean: You have to decide before you ask someone to prom!

Published:3/9/2019 2:21:57 AM
[Comedy] ‘Devil May Cry 5’ is potent screen candy It’s not very nourishing but it's likely to satisfy a specific craving. Published:3/8/2019 1:18:45 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Simpsons’ pulls Michael Jackson episode, citing child abuse allegations in HBO documentary After seeing "Leaving Neverland," the show's executive producer says it was a clear decision to pull the 1991 episode. Published:3/8/2019 9:47:13 AM
[Comedy] uglyhot

A person who is in no way, shape or form conventionally attractive but everything they do, how they talk, how they walk and the way they move is so incredibly hot that it makes them somehow better looking. Is still centered on physicality, but is more about how they use their body/body language than their ugly faces. Coined for my former high school Chemistry teacher; are often tall, gangly and interesting men like Chris Martin from Coldplay.

"Oh look at that gangly, odd looking, very hot strutting guy over there!"

"He's not hot, he's uglyhot."

"Yeah, and uglyhots are incredibly rare, so I'd totally do him."

Published:3/8/2019 2:14:52 AM
[Comedy] Tartle

A common Scottish term to insert at the awkward moment when you temporarily forget someone's name. Useful to avoid that occasional embarrassment.

Steve: Hi, Susan!
Susan: Hi . . . uhhhhhh . . . Steve! Sorry, I tartled there for a moment.

Published:3/7/2019 2:09:55 AM
[Comedy] @alicewetterlund To be clear, when I search for a recipe online what I’m REALLY looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there’s not three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph I Published:3/6/2019 10:06:06 AM
[Comedy] BIPOC

Black/Indigenous People of Color

BIPOC don't have to be nice to you when you're threatening their existence. Support and amplify BIPOC. ????????????????

Published:3/6/2019 2:04:15 AM
[Comedy] ‘Captain Marvel’ is just higher, faster and further enough in her Marvel Studios debut Long overdue, Marvel Studios’ first female-led superhero movie is super slow at times, but on point. Published:3/5/2019 12:29:47 PM
[Comedy] trophy minority

Typically a white person's one black friend, who they are so proud to know and tend to mention as though they won some kind of prize.

We hung out for a while before I realized I was just a trophy minority.

Published:3/5/2019 2:27:20 AM
[Comedy] Crine

Being a cry baby 24/7

Hooter is always crine

Published:3/4/2019 2:20:29 AM
[Comedy] @mostephlove In case you're wondering if kids do mimic parents, my kid picked up her toy laptop, said she was looking for bathing suits, and after a few minutes closed it and said she couldn't find anything she liked. Published:3/2/2019 4:42:07 PM
[Comedy] Banana Etiquette

If you get a banana, you have to ask every person who's in your vicinty if they would like a banana.

James Clement has bad banana etiquette because in his world, if his ass is hungry, he'll go get a banana. He will get four going to a challenge and three coming back without asking or sharing.

Published:3/2/2019 2:08:51 AM
[Comedy] ‘Anthem’ provides flashes of high quality action but is hobbled by flaws It's a game that seems unconsciously engineered to sniff out if someone leans toward a glass half-empty or a glass half-full point of view. Published:3/1/2019 1:10:03 PM
[Comedy] Trolls target female-led blockbusters. Ahead of ‘Captain Marvel,’ Rotten Tomatoes shut them down. The review aggregation Website tweaked its system to ensure that "bad actors" who target movies featuring women and people of color don't sabotage ratings. Published:2/28/2019 4:34:06 PM
[Comedy] blues and twos

emergency vehicle status; British emergency vehicles have blue flashing lights and two-tone sirens

the ambulance left in a hurry with blues and twos.

Published:2/28/2019 2:26:35 AM
[Comedy] Pretendonitis

A made up injury to get out of doing something

Jayce didn’t feel like practicing soccer so he told the coach he had pretendonitis

Published:2/27/2019 2:19:50 AM
[Comedy] Emma Thompson releases blunt letter about ex-Pixar chief John Lasseter Thompson departed a film project at Skydance Animation because the studio had hired Lasseter, who has been accused of sexual harassment. Published:2/26/2019 12:55:11 PM
[Comedy] The Tea is so hot

When gossip gets really juicy

person 1: Dude did you hear about that celebrity scandal?
person 2: OMG yes

person 1: Man, the tea is so hot that it just burned through my cup
person 2: LMAO

Published:2/26/2019 2:14:49 AM
[Comedy] A cartoonist added Jussie Smollett to the list of ‘Famous African-American Storytellers.’ The backlash was swift. The San Diego Union-Tribune removed the cartoon, which put the "Empire" actor's image alongside Toni Morrison and James Baldwin. Published:2/25/2019 3:11:13 PM
[Comedy] ‘How to Train Your Dragon' 3 revisits empowering depictions embraced by amputees "Hidden World" director Dean DeBlois revels in costumed amputees who have embraced Hiccup, the Viking hero who wears a prosthesis. Published:2/23/2019 5:00:17 PM
[Comedy] ‘Metro Exodus’ values atmosphere and exploration as much as action In this this is an expertly paced, first-person shooter expeditions into dangerous surroundings are contrasted with warm moments shared between companions. Published:2/21/2019 12:18:12 PM
[Comedy] Weekend immune system

Another way of saying drunk and/or hungover. Owing to alcohols ability to suppress the immune system and the fact that it is usually drunk in largest quantities on the weekend.

Ugh yeah I'm not going to be able to come in to work today, I have a weekend immune system

Published:2/21/2019 2:15:26 AM
[Comedy] Emma Thompson quits movie after studio hires ex-Pixar chief John Lasseter The Oscar-winning actress was set to perform in Skydance Animation's "Luck," scheduled for release in 2021. Published:2/20/2019 4:13:57 PM
[Comedy] How ‘Bitter Root,’ a Harlem Renaissance comic by an all-black creative team, came to be The fourth issue of the Image Comics series arrives in print and digitally Wednesday. Published:2/20/2019 2:45:00 PM
[Comedy] RTWT

Read The Whole Thread

Chris -*commenting the exact same thing as five people previously*
Pat - "RTWT!"

Published:2/20/2019 2:09:11 AM
[Comedy] @BeeBabs We really had to take selfies with the phone flipped back and not knowing what we looked like until like 2 seconds afterwards. Gen Z will never understand. That's why we r tough Published:2/19/2019 5:37:21 PM
[Comedy] ‘Punisher’ and ‘Jessica Jones’ lose their battle in the war between Netflix and Disney The last of the canceled Marvel/Netflix superhero series point to this year's rise of the Disney+ streaming service. Published:2/19/2019 3:35:40 PM
[Comedy] @MacgyveringM22 [kids are finally asleep] “Holy fuck, I need to clean this house” *pours giant glass of wine and sits down for the night* Published:2/19/2019 9:36:13 AM
[Comedy] sadcited

sad-cited | sad-sit-ed
adjective

(of emotional affect) a deep conflict between an ending and beginning.

After spending a week with René, I'm sadcited to go home.

Published:2/19/2019 2:32:56 AM
[Comedy] snowffeur

The individual who drives you around in inclement weather. Maybe be used because you lack winter driving skills, a road-worthy vehicle or if you prefer to get picked up at the curb by a warm car that's already had all the windows scraped.

My husband will be picking me up from work today so I'm not too worried about the snow. He's such a nice snowffeur!

Published:2/18/2019 2:27:25 AM
[Comedy] Slept like a baby

to sleep infrequently in short spurts and at the most inconvenient times, followed by a big mess in their pants

Correct usage in a sentence: "man, I slept like a baby." response: "well that explains the smell. Sorry about that buddy. Better luck next time."

Published:2/17/2019 2:20:57 AM
[Comedy] @AbbyHasIssues I correctly lined up the two sides of a Ziploc bag on the first try I’ve never felt more drunk with power. Published:2/16/2019 2:48:52 PM
[Comedy] Sad coma

When you are so sad that you cannot move

Your friend calls you a liar and you become so sad you're in a sad coma

Published:2/16/2019 2:17:47 AM
[Comedy] Caonima

Means either "grass mud horse" or "fuck your mother" depending on which signs you use to write it in Chinese. Due to Chinas strong Internet censorship you can't write the line as "fuck your mother", but it's fine if you mean "grass mud horse".

Caonima

Published:2/15/2019 2:09:01 AM
[Comedy] No surprises in ‘Crackdown 3,’ a by-the-numbers disappointment “Crackdown 3” feels like a remnant from another console-era, a time in which open-world games were still a novelty. Published:2/14/2019 9:38:14 PM
[Comedy] @cristela9 I’ve been told I need to draw up my will. It’s really hard but I don’t want my family fighting over my Bed Bath and Beyond coupons that never expire, my lifelong soy sauce packets from takeout Chinese and my Target plastic bags I use for trash bags. Published:2/14/2019 2:27:21 AM
[Comedy] Airpods

Apple makes these earbuds without wires for people who can't afford the wire.

Girl: Did you see Devin's airpods, that's so hot.

Boy: That's not hot, he can't afford the wire.

Published:2/14/2019 2:27:19 AM
[Comedy] A cartoonist hid a vulgar anti-Trump message in his comic strip. This paper isn’t laughing. The Butler Eagle said the decision to revoke the comic had more to do with profanity than politics. Published:2/11/2019 12:48:42 PM
[Comedy] @karencheee As a millennial I feel most represented when I see a character on TV who looks tired for no apparent reason Published:2/10/2019 10:43:31 AM
[Comedy] A cartoonist drew a touching tribute to his dying dog. His readers gave him an outpouring of sympathy. Stephan Pastis's syndicate has announced its most commented-upon comic of 2018: a rare personal tale of mourning in "Pearls Before Swine." Published:2/8/2019 2:59:50 PM
[Comedy] Cartoonists aren’t buying Trump’s call for unity at the State of the Union Many pundits heard the familiar strains of partisan divisiveness. Published:2/7/2019 12:24:12 PM
[Comedy] ‘Sunless Skies’ is a majestically cruel game The game can keep its players huddled before their monitors waiting for the next calamity. But in a good way. Published:2/7/2019 10:23:20 AM
[Comedy] edgelord

Someone, especially posting on the internet, who uses shocking and nihilistic speech and opinions that they themselves may or may not actually believe to gain attention and come across as a more dangerous and unique person. Most Edgelords are teenagers trying to seem overly cool and/or over-casually apathetic.

"The human race is a blight upon the world, what's wrong with all you people? Honestly I'm just waiting for the next plague to happen," -Johnny Edge

" Oh shut the hell up you whiny edgelord" -Johnny Everyone

Published:2/7/2019 2:21:19 AM
[Comedy] @simoncholland Every kid’s backpack smells like pencil shavings and fruit punch. Published:2/6/2019 3:48:28 PM
[Comedy] @etienneshrdlu “Poor grown-ups, if they didn’t have any coffee they’d be crying” - my daughter’s withering assessment of adult life Published:2/6/2019 10:49:51 AM
[Comedy] How cartoonists are portraying Va. Gov. Ralph Northam’s fate amid racist photo controversy "Candorville" creator Darrin Bell depicts the Democratic donkey telling a hooded, Confederacy-labeled Republican elephant to step back. Published:2/5/2019 12:41:02 PM
[Comedy] The 5 best Super Bowl trailers for geeks, from Avengers to ‘The Twilight Zone’ Here was the biggest winner to take the field Sunday night. Published:2/4/2019 11:37:23 AM
[Comedy] coonman

Someone who does not like black people.

"Yo, Coonman, you done beatin' on them negroes?"

Published:2/3/2019 2:28:57 AM
[Comedy] @hellolanemoore just got in a fight w/ my crush who was not present at the time of the fight bc i played the whole thing out in my head anyway crush ended Published:2/2/2019 6:25:33 PM
[Comedy] Netflix’s ‘The Umbrella Academy’ is even weirder than the comic. It’s an absolute must see. The new show is based on the Dark Horse Comics series by Gerard Way and Gabriel Bá. Published:2/1/2019 5:16:31 AM
[Comedy] Bedicine

When all you need to get better is time in your bed.

After 12 hours of bedicine my sickness for work had left.

Published:2/1/2019 2:15:59 AM
[Comedy] Leaving Batman behind is the best thing that could happen to Ben Affleck The actor just confirmed he's hanging up the cape and cowl. At last, he can rejoin the ranks of our best directors of thrillers. Published:1/31/2019 1:13:31 PM
[Comedy] ’Kingdom Hearts 3’ has a baffling backstory but is a treat for fans of Disney and Pixar The series has accumulated enough knotty storylines to make studying a summary of the events a bit of a chore but the game’s core combat mechanics are a delight. Published:1/31/2019 11:12:21 AM
[Comedy] disadulation

n. Excessive abuse or criticism

A word created by applying the prefix dis-, meaning the opposite of, to the noun adulation, meaning excessive flattery or admiration.

Dwight: Three demerits and you will receive a citation.

Jim: Now that sounds serious.

Dwight: Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt: in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.

Jim: Which would be me.

Dwight: ..... That is correct.

Jim: Okay, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.

Dwight: What's a dis- ... what's that?

Jim: Oh, you don't wanna know.

Published:1/31/2019 2:09:19 AM
[Comedy] Howard Schultz’s big presidential dreams, as lampooned by cartoons The Starbucks billionaire's potential presidential race draws fire. Published:1/30/2019 4:37:04 PM
[Comedy] One of the greatest Superman tales finally gets a proper adaptation with ‘Reign of the Supermen’ The animated movie succeeds where other superman movies have failed. Published:1/30/2019 10:35:39 AM
[Comedy] AYFKM?

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Positive: They're gonna have fireworks AND barbeque, AYFKM?

Negative: You started today and you're telling me what to do? AYFKM?

Published:1/30/2019 2:11:52 AM
[Comedy] Being both an adult and a comics fan has long gone hand in hand Bill Maher’s recent claim — that comics aren’t for adults — comes across as a head-scratcher. Published:1/29/2019 12:30:17 PM
[Comedy] forrest trump

An unintelligent person who believes that he can hold a position of power.

We have a forrest trump in the White House; he tweeted that the Cohen indictment "cleared me."

Published:1/29/2019 2:38:50 AM
[Comedy] ITMFA

Impeach the mother fucker already (meaning: DJT)
Frequently used on Twitter, just type: #ITMFA.

'I have enough of the gas lighting and reverse narratives... ITMFA !'

Published:1/28/2019 4:14:13 AM
[Comedy] Slay King

When a male dresses better than everyone around him

Girl#1:Look Derrick is a slay King

Girl#2: Yass he is cute as fuck slayyyy king!!!! All the way

Published:1/26/2019 2:10:40 AM
[Comedy] @ledbettercarly I don't mean to brag, but I just did all five of my dishes IMMEDIATELY after cooking and eating. IMMEDIATELY. Published:1/25/2019 9:34:05 AM
[Comedy] Buffet squirrel

One who secretly packs away items from a buffet into a bag, purse, or satchel for later consumption.

Caleb was eying the plate of chocolate croissants before the last of them were emptied into the purse of the buffet squirrel .

Published:1/25/2019 2:33:35 AM
[Comedy] Dump O' Clock

A time (preferably during work hours) when one uses the bathroom to drop their load (or just look up memes on the internet).

Kami: "Chris has gone missing!"
Tim: "It must be Dump O' Clock."

Published:1/24/2019 2:27:01 AM
[Comedy] skinful

an amount of alcohol that is enough to make a person drunk:

By ten o'clock he'd had a skinful.

Published:1/23/2019 2:26:18 AM
[Comedy] @ch000ch gonna be an idiot piece of shit for halloween this year oh wow look already dressed Published:1/22/2019 1:17:12 PM
[Comedy] @DVSblast so called "PC" culture has ruined entertainment. can u imagine beloved character "Racism Man" existing today? surely not. theyd have to change his name to "Avocados Man" Published:1/22/2019 8:15:55 AM
[Comedy] Dog Walk

(verb)
When you’re beating someone’s ass and you’re dragging them as if you were walking a dog.

“Ima dog walk yo ass if you keep talkin shit!”

“He got dog walked in that fight last night.”

Published:1/22/2019 2:17:44 AM
[Comedy] @Kristen_Arnett good morning to everyone but especially the woman in 7-eleven who whispered “fill ‘er up” as she poured coke AND coffee into the same big gulp cup Published:1/21/2019 1:42:04 PM
[Comedy] all your base are belong to us

1. An exclamation of superiority
2. Phrase exclaimed when the opposite team/opponent is pwned or defeated.
3. Phrase taken from Zero Wing, a poorly translated Japanese-to-English video game, in which the character Cats exclaims.

1. Haha you guys suck! All your base are belong to us!
2. We won! We won! Your bases are ours! All of them! All your base are belong to us!!
3. Play Zero Wing and see.

Published:1/21/2019 2:08:14 AM
[Comedy] colludy

The act or predisposition to act in a collusive manner.
The willingness to cheat or sneak around to obtain something of value.

Trump and his cohorts acted in a colludy manner towards the Russians.

Published:1/20/2019 2:36:25 AM
[Comedy] @kashanacauley When you’re at a party and you spend four hours unsure how to leave, that’s called a Brexit. Published:1/19/2019 3:00:28 PM
[Comedy] Clout Shark

The act of chasing,pursuit of,or questing for clout

Yo bro you really a clout Shark for shouting your self out on my media

Published:1/19/2019 2:28:59 AM
[Comedy] Posteriority

Derives from Posterior and Posterity

Posteriority is what you end up with when you have your colonoscopy recorded in HD. Your posterior is now indelibly recorded for posterity and may end up being the butt of many jokes..

Published:1/18/2019 2:20:38 AM
[Comedy] government shitdown

In a shithole (shithouse) country under one party rule, but where the ruling party somehow can't avoid a government shutdown.

To celebrate the first anniversary of of the Trump Presidency, the Republicans led the US to a government shitdown.

Published:1/17/2019 2:18:20 AM
[Comedy] @TheCatWhisprer Most things I scold my preschooler for saying are also things I secretly want to fist bump her for saying. Published:1/16/2019 7:39:07 AM
[Comedy] Rooster clawed

When someone scratches someone else with their toenail.

“Ahhh! You fucking rooster clawed me again! Trim your disgusting toe nails you lazy asshole.”

Published:1/16/2019 2:12:33 AM
[Comedy] Stan

Stan means you look up to that person, you watch them or you truly love their content. It's another word for saying you idolize someone or something. You would say, "I stan _____" instead of I "I love that person"

"We stan legends only" "We stan"

"we stan noiz"

Published:1/15/2019 2:33:46 AM
[Comedy] Trendetarian

A person that cuts a certain food out of their diet because of a trend

Jessica became a trendetarian because her favourite magazine told her gluten is bad.

Published:1/14/2019 2:25:50 AM
[Comedy] hatfishing

When someone on a dating site wears a hat in all their pictures to conceal the fact that they are bald.

This guy is wearing either a cowboy hat or a bandana in every picture. I think he is hatfishing me. He said to send a selfie so I texted him a picture of Betty White.

Published:1/13/2019 2:19:28 AM
[Comedy] doing the most

when a person does way more than is required from the situation.

The English word for "doing the most" is: "Supererogation" which is defined as; "the act of performing more than is required by duty, obligation, or need"

Dude 1: Did you hear John did today's homework and tomorrow's homework?
Dude 2: Yeah, John is always trying to impress the teacher, so he's always doing the most.

If you want to be fancy
Dude 2: Yes, John tries to impress the teacher, but doing homework which has not be assigned amounts to supererogation.

Published:1/12/2019 2:13:13 AM
[Comedy] @KentWGraham Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.” Published:1/11/2019 9:08:31 AM
[Comedy] memewashed

Overexposure of memes to the point that your worldview changes.

I liked so many fitness groups on facebook that now I've been memewashed into working out.

Published:1/11/2019 2:07:48 AM
[Comedy] @karencheee Shazam but for which of my 3 fun anecdotes I've already shared with this person Published:1/10/2019 11:10:35 PM
[Comedy] collecting receipts

taking screenshots/pictures/video/any form of footage or audio to be used against someone. like when an lawyer provides evidence in court.

"Girl, I was collecting receipts on what's going on between her and Bob."
"Oooooh, I want to see!"

Published:1/10/2019 2:01:01 AM
[Comedy] Malignant humor

A joke/meme that's so bad it will kill you.

This minion meme is pure soccer mom malignant humor.

Published:1/9/2019 2:24:50 AM
[Comedy] Blue Flu

The cop's version of going on strike. Since they can't legally strike they all call in sick.

When the city threatened to reduce pensions, the NYPD came down with a bad case of the blue flu.

Published:1/8/2019 2:21:58 AM
[Comedy] @morninggloria It should be okay to boo people at the airport Published:1/4/2019 5:26:22 AM
[Comedy] @quintabrunson In order to me be more honest with myself and others, I have started typing “ha” or “chuckled slightly” instead of “lmao” or “lol.” So far I have lost several friends and have been blocked by the rest. Published:1/2/2019 4:47:21 PM
[Comedy] @quintabrunson I just worked out where is my award please Published:1/2/2019 10:15:42 AM
[Comedy] love tumor

An idiomatic phrase referring to a newly found affection toward a person that could lead to true love.

She grew a love tumor just meeting him for the first time

Published:1/2/2019 2:14:25 AM
[Comedy] Bibbity Bobbity Bacon

The act of adding bacon or bacon bits to other foods

Not interested in this salad? Well then Bibbity Bobbity Bacon,I just made it an entrée.

Published:1/1/2019 2:09:00 AM
[Comedy] @pangmeli my whole life feels like I just walked into a cafe and sat down with a drink only to find out they're closing in 10 minutes Published:12/31/2018 7:33:06 AM
[Comedy] Love that for you

Just something cringey that Australian white girls say being sarcastic.

It is used instead of saying “Love that”.

“I fell down the stairs”

“Love that for you”
Please kill me I wanna die

Published:12/31/2018 2:31:54 AM
[Comedy] @sbellelauren people who pour ketchup on fries instead of dipping fries into ketchup should be prosecuted i don’t want to hear another word about it they are monsters Published:12/28/2018 10:16:44 AM
[Comedy] @AbbyHasIssues On HGTV they can flip a house in a month and I've been "getting ready to dust" for the past two weeks. Published:12/25/2018 9:57:19 AM
[Comedy] Marginal

Word describing a friend that is a taker and not a giver - someone that never shows up or pays for a tab or helps in any way. Not a true friend.

Thanks for showing at my birthday party marginal...I really appreciate it.

Russ is so marginal - jackass got drunk and missed dinner tonight - what the hell?

Published:12/25/2018 2:26:46 AM
Top Searches:
books
FBI
-1'
obama
obamacare
NASA
books1111111111111' UNION SELECT CHAR(45,120,49,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,50,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,51,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,52,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,53,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,54,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,55,45
dow
Casey
dow1111111111111' UNION SELECT CHAR(45,120,49,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,50,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,51,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,52,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,53,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,54,45,81,45),CHAR(45,120,55,45,8

Jobs from Indeed

comments powered by Disqus