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[Comedy] @mockingnerd “Pretty sure my clowns are about to lay eggs” is an absolutely terrifying sentence coming from anyone other than my coworker with a saltwater home aquarium. Published:9/19/2021 6:27:23 AM
[Comedy] @bbybeanburrito my dream? to stand on the street and say the words "yeah, i'm gonna have to call you back..." while watching some sort of monstrosity overtake manhattan Published:9/15/2021 3:37:17 PM
[Comedy] [Jonathan H. Adler] Norm MacDonald and the Professor of Logic A sharp bit by the late, great comic. Published:9/14/2021 5:00:46 PM
[Comedy] @wordtoMae life so boring when you don’t got a crush to be delusional about Published:9/10/2021 1:58:08 PM
[Comedy] John Oliver is helping museums through the pandemic — by lending them rat erotica Oliver’s collection of paintings — which also includes a portrait of Wendy Williams eating a lamb chop — has begun a national tour. Published:9/9/2021 5:14:10 AM
[Comedy] @bocxtop ppl on linkedin be like "NEVER take a vacation ALWAYS neglect ur family and u can be as successful as me, a mid-level manager at state farm" Published:9/8/2021 11:45:47 AM
[Comedy] Published:9/7/2021 2:37:08 AM
[Comedy] @delia_cai do you ever leave a social situation and you're just like mmm that was not my best work Published:9/3/2021 6:35:38 AM
[Comedy] In ‘Shang-Chi,’ Simu Liu finally gets the role he always wanted Simu Liu has been “manifesting this kind of superhero role for myself for a long time,” he says of Shang-Chi. Published:9/2/2021 5:28:37 AM
[Comedy] @big_poppa135 If anyone is worried about the government putting tracking chips in the vaccines, just remember that i (govt employee) am operating on Word 2007 Published:9/1/2021 9:00:27 AM
[Comedy] @AndrewMichaan i like the QR code menu thing because it’s refreshing to be on your phone more Published:8/26/2021 9:47:24 AM
[Comedy] ‘Spider-Man: No Way Home’ trailer: Here’s what’s revealed and what we still don’t know Just how many Spider-Men are we dealing with in this movie? It's still unclear. Published:8/25/2021 4:49:21 AM
[Comedy] @adampjthain academics will say “put simply”, and follow it with the least comprehensible sentence you’ve ever read Published:8/24/2021 6:59:20 AM
[Comedy] @internetanja love when the washing machine gets to the angry part. let it out girl Published:8/23/2021 2:00:44 AM
[Comedy] ‘Road 96’: The concept delivers, but the details are sorely lacking “Road 96” feels like a preview of a better future in which another game grafts more sophistication onto its sturdy template. Published:8/23/2021 2:00:43 AM
[Comedy] What to know about ‘What If...?,’ the Marvel series that features Chadwick Boseman’s voice For the first time, the Marvel Cinematic Universe will be animated. Published:8/12/2021 4:51:29 AM
[Comedy] @Tobi_Is_Fab My 6-year-old recently learned about nutrition and now whenever he wants a snack, he comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “I need food to survive.” Published:8/10/2021 11:58:20 PM
[Comedy] Tim Burton never got to make more Batman movies. This new comic is the next best thing. "Batman 89" revives Burton's world as a comic book, penned by original screenwriter Sam Hamm and illustrated by Joe Quinones. Published:8/10/2021 11:58:20 PM
[Comedy] Sylvester Stallone as a shark king? A guide to nine oddball characters in ‘The Suicide Squad.’ “The Suicide Squad” enlists Sylvester Stallone and Pete Davidson, among others, to play some lesser-known characters from the DC Comics library. Published:8/8/2021 1:52:24 PM
[Comedy] @LizerReal airport security testing unopened goldfish crackers for explosives somehow doesn't strengthen my confidence in their bomb-identification skills Published:8/7/2021 8:59:18 AM
[Comedy] The 7 biggest differences between ‘The Suicide Squad’ and ‘Suicide Squad’ (besides the ‘the’) "The Suicide Squad" has less Joker, more Harley Quinn and a lot of fun. Published:8/7/2021 8:59:18 AM
[Comedy] @Jest_Iris Girl that doesn’t want to litter so she puts little scraps in her purse to toss later but then forgets to and ends up constantly carrying a little bag full of trash Published:8/3/2021 5:51:34 PM
[Comedy] @MoreenMcG hey my partner and I noticed you from across the bar and we saw that you aren’t eating the pickle that came with your sandwich can i have it Published:8/2/2021 12:52:16 PM
[Comedy] John Lewis finished this graphic memoir as he died. He wanted to leave a civil rights ‘road map’ for generations to come. The civil-rights icon, who died last summer, co-wrote his sequel memoir "Run" and chose a new artist. Published:8/2/2021 12:52:16 PM
[Comedy] ‘Death’s Door’: A clever and fun Zelda homage “Death’s Door” is very much a love letter to the old Zelda games. Its mechanics are satisfying in a chip-off-the-old block way. Published:7/31/2021 2:52:07 AM
[Comedy] @ronnui_ I'm kind of jealous they make cat trees but not human trees. Let me climb into a little hut near my ceiling. Published:7/27/2021 5:00:15 PM
[Comedy] @lolumOKUR u think things are bad now but one day rich white girls won’t be able to shut up about their semester on the moon Published:7/23/2021 3:09:43 PM
[Comedy] How Tig Notaro created a cartoon standup special about life, death and Dolly Parton Notaro's HBO special "Drawn" takes her live performances and puts them to animation. Published:7/23/2021 3:09:42 PM
[Comedy] @SvnSxty you're telling me the starship enterprise can materialize ANY food out of thin air and there isn't ONE crewmember struggling with their weight ok Published:7/21/2021 3:09:53 PM
[Comedy] @bitchrespecter trying to flirt with a waitress and accidentally writing my phone number in the tip section of the receipt and charging 7 billion dollars to my debit card Published:7/18/2021 12:14:48 PM
[Comedy] The original Bugs Bunny voice was his idol. Now he plays the character in the ‘Space Jam’ sequel. Jeff Bergman's life was changed by the legendary Mel Blanc. Now he's trading wisecracks with LeBron James. Published:7/17/2021 5:01:15 AM
[Comedy] @jzux adulthood is just watching all of your hobbies disintegrate as you disappear into a 40-50 hour workweek Published:7/13/2021 4:06:13 PM
[Comedy] @ronnui_ I want to earn my money the old fashioned way, by living in silicon valley in 2016 and saying the phrase "it's Uber but for-" Published:7/12/2021 12:28:32 PM
[Comedy] @reallifemommy3 Stop cleaning your house for me so I can stop cleaning mine for you Published:7/7/2021 6:42:46 AM
[Comedy] @CrockettForReal Young people think they know it all, old people think they know it all, there’s a sweet spot right in the middle where we know that nobody really knows shit Published:7/5/2021 12:53:44 AM
[Comedy] ‘Mario Golf: Super Rush’: Maybe a little bit too chill “Mario Golf: Super Rush” is fun, but it makes you wish it was a bit zanier. Published:7/2/2021 9:05:47 AM
[Comedy] The 7 Marvel movies you should see before ‘Black Widow’ Watch Black Widow’s key moments in the Marvel Cinematic Universe before her solo film debuts, from "Iron Man 2" to "Avengers: Endgame." Published:7/2/2021 5:04:33 AM
[Comedy] Black Widow finally gets her own movie, one that poses the question: Who is she, really? The “Black Widow” filmmakers wanted to turn an "unknowable" femme fatale into a hero of depth for her solo prequel. Published:7/1/2021 5:27:13 AM
[Comedy] @Chinchillazllla remember in 2016 when everyone was like "wow this is the worst year EVER because celebrities are dying" Published:6/30/2021 3:23:10 PM
[Comedy] @HeavenlyGrandpa achilles would have gotten his shit absolutely rocked by a razor scooter Published:6/28/2021 1:04:58 AM
[Comedy] @NotComradeSnake Instead of cancelling student debt we should transfer it all to one student. One sacrificial lamb who bears it all for our educational sins. Published:6/24/2021 10:40:24 AM
[Comedy] @HeyBethMay Pretty ridiculous how every injury you get after you turn 27 is just, like, permanent Published:6/24/2021 10:09:48 AM
[Comedy] @itsallbollocks sorry I missed your call, I was staring at my phone until it stopped Published:6/19/2021 8:45:56 AM
[Comedy] @cokeandcarbs No one cleans a disgusting apartment faster than a dude who has a slight chance of getting laid Published:6/18/2021 3:38:44 PM
[Comedy] @mommeh_dearest I hate when people ask me if my baby is a “good baby” like no he bets on illegal dog races and stabbed a kid at the playground Published:6/16/2021 9:57:24 PM
[Comedy] The Pulitzers did not pick a winner for cartooning this year. Artists feel ‘mystified’ and ‘insulted.’ The three finalists were especially bewildered. Published:6/15/2021 12:47:11 PM
[Comedy] @BigJDubz The best thing about the internet is that you can claim credit for things you had no part in. It’s one of the reasons I invented it Published:6/14/2021 5:32:21 PM
[Comedy] @OllyiConic It is disgusting that auto-flush toilets cannot tell the difference between a person who is peeing and a person who is crouching down to take a sip of water. Published:6/10/2021 1:08:26 AM
[Comedy] ‘Loki’ is a dark and tricky delight that continues Marvel’s success at Disney Plus Loki, the original "Avengers" bad guy, now has his own streaming series. Published:6/8/2021 11:23:12 AM
[Comedy] @mommajessiec I forgot to pick up a bag of salad at the grocery store so I had to improvise and throw $5 in the garbage. Published:6/6/2021 12:46:19 PM
[Comedy] @pjayevans I hope my dog never finds out I am made of bones Published:6/3/2021 1:15:22 AM
[Comedy] @GayLaVie I regret getting the vaccine. I am now having too much fun and spending too much money. Published:6/3/2021 12:42:58 AM
[Comedy] @davenewworld_2 Imagine if you and your family needed something, but without it you might all die and they tie it to employment, so I decide to be the middleman and you pay me, then I use my profits to lobby politicians to make it harder for you to get this thing. This is American healthcare. Published:6/2/2021 12:09:41 PM
[Comedy] Three ‘lost’ Charles Schulz strips have been rediscovered. Do they show the adult Lucy Van Pelt? The art was rediscovered and purchased at auction — and depicts the "Peanuts" creator's take on office humor. Published:5/31/2021 5:22:17 AM
[Comedy] @SydneyBattle i’m not going to treat every elderly person like they’re wise. some of them are dumb and many of them are insane Published:5/29/2021 8:48:28 AM
[Comedy] @drivingmemadi oh don’t worry im fully vaccinated im just coughing uncontrollably because i choked on my own saliva Published:5/25/2021 7:39:59 AM
[Comedy] @roryreckons I love how 95% of the solutions for preventing anxiety are "work less and don't be poor" when you really look at it. Published:5/22/2021 7:18:39 AM
[Comedy] @roxiqt If you're a millennial currently upset that younger generations don't think you're cool, one of the perks of being over 25 is that you don't actually need to worry about being cool anymore. You need to worry about paying rent & finding sleep positions that don't cause neck pain. Published:5/22/2021 6:48:33 AM
[Comedy] @dietz_meredith why does no one tell you that when you pick out a pair of athletic shorts from tj maxx at fourteen yrs old, you are in fact making a decision that will last longer than any of your adult relationships Published:5/20/2021 3:33:38 AM
[Comedy] Voteflake

Anyone who protests the results of the 2020 US Presidential Election without any proof or evidence and refuses to recognize Joe Biden as the 46th President of the United States of America.

After over 50 cases brought before, and thrown out of, US courts, including the Supreme Court, hundreds of Trump supporters, claiming to be a million supporters, continued to cry and protest and chant outside the White House, like a bunch of voteflakes.

Published:5/14/2021 10:22:36 AM
[Comedy] @KeiLunMusic i have faced more peer pressure to drink oat milk than to do drugs Published:5/14/2021 7:33:54 AM
[Comedy] @voraciousbrain once when I was catastrophically depressed, I put my dirty dishes out in the rain (??????) and discovered the next day that all of my silverware had been stolen by an enormous raccoon who does not fear me Published:5/14/2021 5:21:09 AM
[Comedy] @VeryBadLlama learning French has really encouraged me to live in the moment because I currently cannot conjugate any other verb tense Published:5/11/2021 10:33:58 AM
[Comedy] @mom_tho intermittent fasting? i just slept 7 hours without a snack what more do you want from me? Published:5/8/2021 11:38:26 AM
[Comedy] @caitiedelaney Obsessed with my nonsensical perception of time. If I have a meeting at 10am and I have to feed my dog and make coffee before it I’m like “better set my alarm for 5am” Published:5/7/2021 2:33:50 AM
[Comedy] @mrbenjaminlaw On the upside it’s Friday; on the downside the work week has left you an absolute husk of a human, withered and useless Published:5/2/2021 6:01:04 AM
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