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Comedy


[Comedy] @Kristen_Arnett good morning to everyone but especially the woman in 7-eleven who whispered “fill ‘er up” as she poured coke AND coffee into the same big gulp cup Published:1/21/2019 1:42:04 PM
[Comedy] all your base are belong to us

1. An exclamation of superiority
2. Phrase exclaimed when the opposite team/opponent is pwned or defeated.
3. Phrase taken from Zero Wing, a poorly translated Japanese-to-English video game, in which the character Cats exclaims.

1. Haha you guys suck! All your base are belong to us!
2. We won! We won! Your bases are ours! All of them! All your base are belong to us!!
3. Play Zero Wing and see.

Published:1/21/2019 2:08:14 AM
[Comedy] colludy

The act or predisposition to act in a collusive manner.
The willingness to cheat or sneak around to obtain something of value.

Trump and his cohorts acted in a colludy manner towards the Russians.

Published:1/20/2019 2:36:25 AM
[Comedy] @kashanacauley When you’re at a party and you spend four hours unsure how to leave, that’s called a Brexit. Published:1/19/2019 3:00:28 PM
[Comedy] Clout Shark

The act of chasing,pursuit of,or questing for clout

Yo bro you really a clout Shark for shouting your self out on my media

Published:1/19/2019 2:28:59 AM
[Comedy] Posteriority

Derives from Posterior and Posterity

Posteriority is what you end up with when you have your colonoscopy recorded in HD. Your posterior is now indelibly recorded for posterity and may end up being the butt of many jokes..

Published:1/18/2019 2:20:38 AM
[Comedy] government shitdown

In a shithole (shithouse) country under one party rule, but where the ruling party somehow can't avoid a government shutdown.

To celebrate the first anniversary of of the Trump Presidency, the Republicans led the US to a government shitdown.

Published:1/17/2019 2:18:20 AM
[Comedy] @TheCatWhisprer Most things I scold my preschooler for saying are also things I secretly want to fist bump her for saying. Published:1/16/2019 7:39:07 AM
[Comedy] Rooster clawed

When someone scratches someone else with their toenail.

“Ahhh! You fucking rooster clawed me again! Trim your disgusting toe nails you lazy asshole.”

Published:1/16/2019 2:12:33 AM
[Comedy] Stan

Stan means you look up to that person, you watch them or you truly love their content. It's another word for saying you idolize someone or something. You would say, "I stan _____" instead of I "I love that person"

"We stan legends only" "We stan"

"we stan noiz"

Published:1/15/2019 2:33:46 AM
[Comedy] Trendetarian

A person that cuts a certain food out of their diet because of a trend

Jessica became a trendetarian because her favourite magazine told her gluten is bad.

Published:1/14/2019 2:25:50 AM
[Comedy] hatfishing

When someone on a dating site wears a hat in all their pictures to conceal the fact that they are bald.

This guy is wearing either a cowboy hat or a bandana in every picture. I think he is hatfishing me. He said to send a selfie so I texted him a picture of Betty White.

Published:1/13/2019 2:19:28 AM
[Comedy] doing the most

when a person does way more than is required from the situation.

The English word for "doing the most" is: "Supererogation" which is defined as; "the act of performing more than is required by duty, obligation, or need"

Dude 1: Did you hear John did today's homework and tomorrow's homework?
Dude 2: Yeah, John is always trying to impress the teacher, so he's always doing the most.

If you want to be fancy
Dude 2: Yes, John tries to impress the teacher, but doing homework which has not be assigned amounts to supererogation.

Published:1/12/2019 2:13:13 AM
[Comedy] @KentWGraham Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.” Published:1/11/2019 9:08:31 AM
[Comedy] memewashed

Overexposure of memes to the point that your worldview changes.

I liked so many fitness groups on facebook that now I've been memewashed into working out.

Published:1/11/2019 2:07:48 AM
[Comedy] @karencheee Shazam but for which of my 3 fun anecdotes I've already shared with this person Published:1/10/2019 11:10:35 PM
[Comedy] collecting receipts

taking screenshots/pictures/video/any form of footage or audio to be used against someone. like when an lawyer provides evidence in court.

"Girl, I was collecting receipts on what's going on between her and Bob."
"Oooooh, I want to see!"

Published:1/10/2019 2:01:01 AM
[Comedy] Malignant humor

A joke/meme that's so bad it will kill you.

This minion meme is pure soccer mom malignant humor.

Published:1/9/2019 2:24:50 AM
[Comedy] Blue Flu

The cop's version of going on strike. Since they can't legally strike they all call in sick.

When the city threatened to reduce pensions, the NYPD came down with a bad case of the blue flu.

Published:1/8/2019 2:21:58 AM
[Comedy] @morninggloria It should be okay to boo people at the airport Published:1/4/2019 5:26:22 AM
[Comedy] @quintabrunson In order to me be more honest with myself and others, I have started typing “ha” or “chuckled slightly” instead of “lmao” or “lol.” So far I have lost several friends and have been blocked by the rest. Published:1/2/2019 4:47:21 PM
[Comedy] @quintabrunson I just worked out where is my award please Published:1/2/2019 10:15:42 AM
[Comedy] love tumor

An idiomatic phrase referring to a newly found affection toward a person that could lead to true love.

She grew a love tumor just meeting him for the first time

Published:1/2/2019 2:14:25 AM
[Comedy] Bibbity Bobbity Bacon

The act of adding bacon or bacon bits to other foods

Not interested in this salad? Well then Bibbity Bobbity Bacon,I just made it an entrée.

Published:1/1/2019 2:09:00 AM
[Comedy] @pangmeli my whole life feels like I just walked into a cafe and sat down with a drink only to find out they're closing in 10 minutes Published:12/31/2018 7:33:06 AM
[Comedy] Love that for you

Just something cringey that Australian white girls say being sarcastic.

It is used instead of saying “Love that”.

“I fell down the stairs”

“Love that for you”
Please kill me I wanna die

Published:12/31/2018 2:31:54 AM
[Comedy] @sbellelauren people who pour ketchup on fries instead of dipping fries into ketchup should be prosecuted i don’t want to hear another word about it they are monsters Published:12/28/2018 10:16:44 AM
[Comedy] @AbbyHasIssues On HGTV they can flip a house in a month and I've been "getting ready to dust" for the past two weeks. Published:12/25/2018 9:57:19 AM
[Comedy] Marginal

Word describing a friend that is a taker and not a giver - someone that never shows up or pays for a tab or helps in any way. Not a true friend.

Thanks for showing at my birthday party marginal...I really appreciate it.

Russ is so marginal - jackass got drunk and missed dinner tonight - what the hell?

Published:12/25/2018 2:26:46 AM
[Comedy] @Luvvie One day, you look in your cabinets and there's no tupperware. The next day, somehow, tupperware is so plentiful, it falls out when you open the cabinet door. And you realize you have too much tupperware and you don't know where they came from. Adulth Published:12/21/2018 12:35:49 PM
[Comedy] reply guy

1. A man who behaves in an overly familiar way and is always replying to the social media messages of a woman he doesn't know or is barely acquainted with.

2. An annoying man who replies to social media messages, in general - whether this annoyance is due to a perceived know-it-all attitude, excessive familiarity, banal arguments that the annoyed user doesn't feel compelled to reply to again and again, or violation of some imagined pecking order.

Mental health improves 120% when reply guys are blocked or muted

Published:12/21/2018 2:33:15 AM
[Comedy] @pangmeli the fuck are you honking at me for??? you're flying around in a climate controlled invincibility chariot while I'm out here on my hind legs propelling myself through unfiltered space one step at a time with only my muscles I don't give a SHIT about y Published:12/19/2018 12:10:00 PM
[Comedy] Pilot Lighting

To use social media for the purpose of attracting potential mates while still in a relationship through the use of scandalous photos.

Similar to how a pilot light remains ready to ignite the furnace at all times.

Dude, did you see that chicks Instagram, she’s totally pilot lighting her boyfriend.

Published:12/19/2018 2:38:43 AM
[Comedy] Lets gain this grain

Another term for "lets get this bread" meaning grain=bread=money also grain can literally be anything

*Going to go get anything*:lets gain this grain!!!

Published:12/18/2018 2:26:51 AM
[Comedy] rat

Someone who tells the cops vital information that leads to an arrest of another person

that nigga cody ratted on joe we should fuck him up

Published:12/17/2018 2:23:48 AM
[Comedy] @Eden_Eats I hate it when baby boomers are like "your generation is too sensitive!". Like ok, Gail, I'm not the one writing 8 paragraph Yelp reviews because the restaurant was painted a color you didn't like. Published:12/16/2018 4:52:12 PM
[Comedy] bean hole

The slot in a cell door in jail or prison in which to pass food, mail or other items through.

Prisoner: Pass my food through the bean hole, man. I'm hungry.

Published:12/16/2018 2:14:26 AM
[Comedy] Fronking

Someone who farts in the bath tub and the bites the bubbles; can be more than one person biting each other's bubbles

Bob and Jim were fronking in the pool. Bob and Jim are fronks.

Published:12/15/2018 2:10:23 AM
[Comedy] @Eden_Eats My neighbors are so friendly that I'm sitting in my car waiting for them to go inside so I don't have to talk to them. Published:12/14/2018 2:34:42 PM
[Comedy] Millennial Promotion

When you get more responsibility at work but no raise.

Person 1- "Oh wow Daves the supervisor now"

Person 2- "Yeah but he still makes the same as us"

Person 1- " Ha, looks like he got a millennial promotion"

Published:12/14/2018 2:02:17 AM
[Comedy] Miles Morales is a Spider-Man who’s biracial like me. So why wasn’t I more excited for his movie? I was skeptical of the animated “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” -- until I actually saw it. Published:12/13/2018 3:59:49 PM
[Comedy] Trump says he’d be ‘proud’ of a government shutdown this Christmas. Cartoons are taking him to task. A recent Oval Office meeting spurs a wave of satire. Published:12/13/2018 11:00:34 AM
[Comedy] ‘Gris’ is one of the most visually striking games of this or any other year. The game's visual style was shaped by Conrad Roset who came to the project from the art world. Published:12/13/2018 8:28:32 AM
[Comedy] nano-dosing

Using utra small dosages not to trigger a psychotropic effect

We didn't want to get high or feel out of sorts, so we took turns nano-dosing

Published:12/13/2018 2:25:37 AM
[Comedy] @kpfeffss I took an uber alone at 2am and when I got out my uber driver was like “have fun, get that dick!” and I said “hell yes thank you!!” because I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was being dropped at my moms house cause we have to wake up early to cel Published:12/12/2018 1:51:41 PM
[Comedy] Is ‘Aquaman’ a fun, campy superhero movie — or ‘a parody’ that doesn’t quite work? The reviews are in. Visual wizardry and star Jason Momoa's flexed charisma help offset the klunky script, say critics. Published:12/12/2018 11:51:11 AM
[Comedy] smocking

The way you spell smoking after you become President of The United States.

"Democrats can’t find a Smocking Gun tying the Trump campaign to Russia."

Published:12/12/2018 2:18:57 AM
[Comedy] ‘Aquaman’ is one of DC’s best superhero films Director James Wan and star Jason Momoa have given Warner Bros. and DC Entertainment a much-needed boost. Published:12/11/2018 1:15:16 PM
[Comedy] Who dare enter Trump’s chief of staff role? These cartoons warn of the dangers of taking the job. The job may be tougher to fill than Oscars host. Published:12/11/2018 11:16:35 AM
[Comedy] smocking

Smocking is body painting for sexual gratification.

While the majority of body painting is done for artistic reasons, smockers belong to the subgroup that's just interested in getting their kicks. Normally either a negative or playful context, smockers aren't generally considered artists.

She thinks he wants to use her as the canvas for his next masterpiece, but he's just smocking.

Published:12/11/2018 2:13:54 AM
[Comedy] ‘Aquaman’ was the biggest film in the world this past weekend — despite opening in only one country "Aquaman" grossed a whopping $93.6 million in China. Published:12/10/2018 11:08:25 AM
[Comedy] ‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse’ is a stunning animated achievement that lives up to the hype All of a sudden, Sony's Spider-Man movie universe sans Marvel Studios is on a winning streak. Published:12/10/2018 6:14:36 AM
[Comedy] @thedad When my daughter gets to be old enough to drive, I’m not going to tell her what to do from the passenger seat like all the other anxious parents. I’m going to sit in the backseat and kick the back of the chair the whole time because it’s payback time Published:12/9/2018 8:04:55 PM
[Comedy] @rachsyme remember when you were little and your aunt's xmas list was like "thick socks and a bag of nice coffee" and you were like, what a strange list wonder what her life is like maybe it's sad and then you got older and you realized she knew exactly how to Published:12/9/2018 7:33:52 PM
[Comedy] @curlycomedy If there isn’t a Mother’s Day Card that says, “Thank you for your cervix,” I don’t know what any of us are doing. Published:12/9/2018 7:03:47 PM
[Comedy] mistakeholder

Someone with a vested interest in a topic but has all the facts wrong.

A mistakeholder in a fisheries management setting cited a number of reasons why increased transparency detracted from understanding a topic.

Published:12/9/2018 2:29:45 AM
[Comedy] sassassin

The king of sass; the sass master.

That Herbert Hoover was quite the sassassin.

Published:12/8/2018 2:22:50 AM
[Comedy] First ‘Avengers: Endgame’ trailer lands — bringing viewers to the emotional brink Survivors take stock of the Thanos "snap" in 2018's biggest film on the planet. Published:12/7/2018 8:47:47 AM
[Comedy] The ‘Santa Clause’

The legal agreement which allows Santa Claus to enter people’s home and not be prosecuted for (breaking and entering). This clause includes chimneys and magic stuff we don’t know about.

The ‘Santa Clause’ is actually a legal agreement that has been understood in a ‘quid pro quo’ context; wherein Santa is welcomed for many reasons... but it’s really the presents and his cool outfit!

Published:12/7/2018 2:19:06 AM
[Comedy] Can you name the first woman hired as a Post reporter? Here’s a pioneer’s tale. As The Washington Post turns 141, we shed light on another first. Published:12/6/2018 2:43:41 PM
[Comedy] Disney dominates Golden Globes animation — again — but ‘Spider-Man’ lands as a strong wild card Nominees "Incredibles 2" and "Ralph Breaks the Internet" have a Golden Globes pedigree, to boot. Published:12/6/2018 12:18:35 PM
[Comedy] ‘Black Panther’ earns Marvel Studios its first Golden Globe nomination The billion dollar superhero hit was nominated for best drama. Published:12/6/2018 11:43:19 AM
[Comedy] jooks

To Rob somebody, to steal from somebody

he caught a jooks on that nigga yesterday for his marmot

Published:12/6/2018 2:11:12 AM
[Comedy] Four touching cartoons that bid farewell to President George H.W. Bush Here's how some editorial cartoonists are somberly paying tribute to the man, Published:12/5/2018 11:07:59 AM
[Comedy] facts

True , right , word

Guy 1 : damn bruh this is some good weed
Guy 2 : yo facts facts

Published:12/5/2018 2:05:30 AM
[Comedy] Annie Award nominations could be a strong predictor for the Golden Globes and Oscars "Incredibles 2" and "Ralph Breaks the Internet" leads the animation industry nominations — with "Spider-Man" emerging as a strong contender. Published:12/4/2018 3:01:07 PM
[Comedy] A cartoonist finally finished his tribute to George H.W. Bush — by working with the paper that fired him How former Houston Chronicle Nick Anderson sees the arc of the president's life. Published:12/4/2018 8:59:38 AM
[Comedy] street soda

An alcoholic drink that is typically made in a fast food soda cup so that it can be consumed in public spaces with little suspicion from others.

We were down on the corner drinking street soda and feeling really good.

Published:12/4/2018 2:04:10 AM
[Comedy] Second ‘Captain Marvel’ trailer gives best look yet at the power to take on Thanos Marvel Studios debuted the second trailer for their first female-led superhero movie. Published:12/3/2018 9:57:50 PM
[Comedy] How George H.W. Bush is being saluted, through the eyes of political artists Cartoonists draw upon soaring imagery and points of light. Published:12/3/2018 5:22:08 AM
[Comedy] go left

A situation or conversation suddenly (and usually unexpectedly) taking a turn for the worse (in a bad way), when at first it was going fine.

I guess I should've expected things to go left in couples therapy today after I told my wife that I got my side bitch pregnant.

Published:12/3/2018 2:21:59 AM
[Comedy] How this emotional George H.W. Bush cartoon went viral — touching even his family Mississippi cartoonist Marshall Ramsey creates a reunion artwork that is a "bookend" to his viral Barbara Bush art in April. Published:12/1/2018 12:40:03 PM
[Comedy] Destroy Dick December

In parody of "No-Nut November" and its rise in popularity in 2017, "Destroy Dick December" is an event starting on the first of December, in which you masturbate until completion in a quantity in relation to the date. This means you must nut 1 time on the first, twice on Dec. 2, 3 times on the third, and so on until 31 times on the 31st.

"Yoo man are you trying no nut november?" HEEELLL no its all about training for Destroy Dick December!!!!!!!!!!"

Published:12/1/2018 2:07:12 AM
[Comedy] Let’s discuss the ‘Ralph Breaks the Internet’ moment that explains the darkness of life online The directors said the movie couldn't just be about cat videos. Published:11/30/2018 3:35:01 PM
[Comedy] How Mueller’s probe is moving toward Trump, according to cartoons Wish lists and presidential pardons come to the satiric fore. Published:11/30/2018 10:33:32 AM
[Comedy] Operation NO COLLUSION

A very poorly disguised conspiracy.

I knew something was up immediately, ya'll walking around like Operation NO COLLUSION.

Published:11/30/2018 3:00:33 AM
[Comedy] Revived Channel

When a youtube channel wasn’t gaining subscribers and/or losing subscribers at a consistent rate, and all of the sudden their channel has a drastic growth in subscribers and views in a short period of time due to a popular video they created.

Person: You watching anyone specific on youtube recently?

Me: Yea! JCBackfire, a revived channel, got popular from his recent video and his videos with his more popular friend!

Published:11/29/2018 2:33:20 AM
[Comedy] ‘Tetris’ becomes even more addictive in ‘Tetris Effect’ It only takes a few stages in VR to realize how immersive it is to fuse “Tetris” with elements of a rhythm game. Published:11/28/2018 11:29:15 AM
[Comedy] feeling some type of way

Offended, slighted or bothered.

I don't know man! Seeing her with that guy had me feeling some type of way

Published:11/28/2018 2:17:15 AM
[Comedy] ‘SpongeBob’ creator Stephen Hillenburg raised our spirits — and ocean awareness The cartoon creator said his hit Nickelodeon show was born out of his love of the sea. Published:11/27/2018 3:45:08 PM
[Comedy] ‘Battlefield V’ struggles to make sense of History The game doesn’t just erase historical details, it overwrites them. Published:11/27/2018 11:44:44 AM
[Comedy] clout

Clout is being famous and having influence

Wow - Rice, Mitch, and Banks have hella clout

Published:11/27/2018 2:13:41 AM
[Comedy] ’The Lion King’ remake’s trailer confuses the Internet: Just what is ‘live action’ anymore? Jon Favreau's latest Disney-cartoon reinvention creates confusion. Published:11/26/2018 4:09:16 PM
[Comedy] ‘Ralph Breaks the Internet’ continues Disney’s savvy Thanksgiving winning streak The "Wreck-It Ralph" sequel wins the five-day holiday weekend with an $84 million domestic debut. Published:11/26/2018 11:10:57 AM
[Comedy] @myhoneypeaches if you aren’t someone the church would’ve killed 400 years ago are you even living? Published:11/25/2018 11:34:43 AM
[Comedy] How ‘Ralph Breaks the Internet’ spoofs the Disney Princess industrial complex A writer explains how she drafted the scene that she thought might get her fired. Published:11/20/2018 6:29:01 AM
[Comedy] ‘Once Upon a Deadpool’ trailer features Deadpool and Fred Savage insulting each other Deadpool 2 is returning to theaters for the holidays with less profanity. Published:11/19/2018 10:25:57 AM
[Comedy] @MyMomologue Today my child is upset by “All the stuff that doesn’t have wheels.” Published:11/18/2018 4:18:23 PM
[Comedy] skinflint

An unreasonably thrifty person. (Flint is a semiprecious mineral a relative of quartz, and the notion that the greediest person would keep flint shavings for economy).

My uncle George will never help anyone out. He's too much of a skin

Published:11/18/2018 2:17:28 AM
[Comedy] Bust Down

A woman who sleeps around usually with guys of the same crew.

April is a bust down because she fucked all the guys at the party.

Published:11/17/2018 2:37:32 AM
[Comedy] See the first and last pieces that Stan Lee wrote Library of Congress and "We Spoke Out" Holocaust-book authors spotlight key works by the longimte Marvel mastermind. Published:11/16/2018 2:26:58 PM
[Comedy] How Netflix’s ‘She-Ra’ reinvents the Princess of Power for 2018 Noelle Stevenson had full creative freedom to recreate the She-Ra universe. Published:11/16/2018 9:01:53 AM
[Comedy] movie theater physics

The science of figuring out the distance between the movie theater screen and speakers to ensure an optimal movie-watching experience.

Mason insisted on going to the theater early and finding the perfect seat; he wanted to show his date how movie theater physics works.

Published:11/16/2018 9:01:52 AM
[Comedy] @ValeeGrrl friend wrote a Facebook tribute for her son’s 2nd birthday where she called him “an explorer” and I’m like calm down Trisha all toddlers love sticking their hands in toilets, Greyson is no exception Published:11/15/2018 1:45:02 PM
[Comedy] ‘Mister Miracle’ turned real-world anxiety into a hit superhero series A canceled Batman collaboration opened the door for Tom King and Mitch Gerads to create one of DC Comics' biggest hits. Published:11/15/2018 1:45:02 PM
[Comedy] Two viral cartoons capture how we all feel about Stan Lee Marshall Ramsey and Ed Hall tapped into their appreciation for the universe that Lee built. Published:11/13/2018 12:37:22 PM
[Comedy] Stan Lee called his fans ‘true believers.’ But Stan the Man was the truest believer of all. Lee always believed his superheroes had a bigger destiny outside of the pages of Marvel Comics. Published:11/13/2018 10:09:17 AM
[Comedy] tuning

Chatting up in a flirtatious manner to advance towards a sexual or romantic relationship

Me: He cheated on me.
My mate: With who?
Me: I don't know, he was tuning some random girls on Tinder...
My mate: Looks like a fuckboi, talks like a fuckboi, is a fuckboi.

Published:11/13/2018 2:09:28 AM
[Comedy] Stan Lee became one of pop culture’s greatest showmen -- by making fans feel like part of the club He was comics' greatest ambassador, and the world became Stan's soapbox. Published:11/12/2018 6:07:49 PM
[Comedy] Stan Lee used his platform to call out racism in the 1960s — and he never stopped The Marvel co-creator, who died Monday at 95, had a long legacy of opposing bigotry. Published:11/12/2018 5:03:40 PM
[Comedy] ‘One of the greatest creative minds of our time’: Celebrities and fans mourn comics legend Stan Lee Legendary comic book writer Stan Lee died Monday at the age of 95. Published:11/12/2018 2:06:45 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Grinch’ tops the box office, as audiences keep choosing ‘fun’ over ‘good’ “Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch” wins the weekend with a $66 million debut, continuing the critic/crowd disparity led by "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Venom." Published:11/12/2018 12:33:37 PM
[Comedy] Imaginary Lat Syndrome

Imaginary Lat Syndrome is a common case of someone, typically a male, who believes they are rather muscular when in reality this isn't the case. Those with Imaginary Lat Syndrome can typically be seen walking uncomfortably while flaring their small lat muscles and tensing their arms in an attempt to look "jacked." In reality, it appears douchey and looks like a toothbrush has been shoved up their ass. Manlets are at high risk of falling victim due to overcompensation reasons.

imaginary lat syndrome manlets

Published:11/12/2018 2:29:41 AM
[Comedy] Blasting rope

The act of masterbating

Robert: Did you hear Ralph was blasting rope to waluigi hentai?
Roger : Damn, he's a sick fuck.

Published:11/11/2018 2:25:18 AM
[Comedy] @louisespacker don’t u think that mary just cheated on joseph and her cover story got a bit out of hand Published:11/10/2018 8:54:10 PM
[Comedy] listerine challenge

An actual challenge, not a prank, to see how long one can withstand swishing a full shot (the cup attached on the bottle) of Listerine - *Cool Mint* inside their mouth.

This is usually very difficult to do for most people, given the fact that the formula for most Listerine products gives a burning sensation that damages the sensitive tissue inside your mouth.

But on the plus side, the victim of the Listerine Challenge gets a cleaner, fresher, mouth.

**this is in no way promoting the products of Listerine, or any dentists.

See also: cinnamon challenge

Friend 1: "Hey, you want to try the Listerine Challenge?"

Friend 2: "Okay, what do I do?"

Friend 1: "Swish this small cup full of Listerine - Cool Mint, in your mouth for 30 seconds, and you'll get 10$ dollars."

Friend 2: "Challenge accepted."

10 seconds later...

Friend 2: "Fuuuuuuuuuuu!!1!!"

Published:11/10/2018 5:52:36 PM
[Comedy] BATMN

Blew Air Through My Nose

The twit was so funny I actually BATMN.

Published:11/9/2018 10:39:28 PM
[Comedy] The New Yorker’s cover is a tribute to the women and people of color elected to Congress "We've just lived through a nice moment," says cover artist Barry Blitt. Published:11/9/2018 10:39:27 PM
[Comedy] Do we need another ‘Grinch’ movie? Some reviews say yes, but others ... Critics weigh in on yet another adaptation of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” with Benedict Cumberlatch voicing the title character. Published:11/8/2018 12:43:42 PM
[Comedy] How cartoonists are satirizing the ‘wave’ of midterm trends Satirists offer their take on red waves, blue waves and pink waves. Published:11/8/2018 12:09:33 PM
[Comedy] Stupid Watergate

1. "...a scandal that we've been referring to as 'Stupid Watergate', because it has all the potential consequences of Watergate but everyone involved is REALLY stupid."

A term coined by John Oliver on his HBO topical political commentary series 'Last Week Tonight' referring to the criminal conspiracy (collusion) involving Donald J. Trump Sr and Russian operatives to influence the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

The term illustrates how inept and laughably transparent the involved members of Donald Trump's campaign and transition (including DJT) were at both perpetrating said crimes, and covering them up after the fact.

I can't believe how f***ing obvious the ties between Trump & Russia are, and how incredibly obvious these goons attempts at a coverup are. How the hell does 'House of Cards' seem more like an actual corrupt presidential administration and this farce of an administration seem like a laughably cheap over the top parody. Literally "Stupid Watergate."

Published:11/8/2018 2:06:38 AM
[Comedy] @conner_omalley When I first saw Brian, my Mutual funds manager, in a small print floral button up, light blue suit, tortoise shell sunglasses and with dress shoes no socks drinking a tecate at the Labor Day bbq at Dave’s new house, I knew my money was safe. Published:11/7/2018 11:02:53 AM
[Comedy] @ArdenJurskis all halloween music is on some level about how silly it would be if you got violently maimed and killed by a monster Published:11/7/2018 10:41:29 AM
[Comedy] Bob Mankoff launches a site that he hopes will be the main destination for cartoons Former New Yorker cartoon editor learns from his '90s launch of the Cartoon Bank. Published:11/7/2018 10:05:47 AM
[Comedy] car to table shoes

Fancy high heels that are so uncomfortable to walk in, you only wear them on a date where you walk from the car to the table and back.

I've got my 6 inch car to table shoes on and I'm dressed to impress!

Published:11/7/2018 2:29:46 AM
[Comedy] How cartoonists on both sides of the aisle are urging you to vote Participation is stressed over partisanship. Published:11/6/2018 11:25:43 AM
[Comedy] voting virginity

the first time you vote after turning 18.

yeah, i turned 18 las year, so this election i can lose my voting virginity

Published:11/6/2018 2:25:03 AM
[Comedy] Want to see the first full drawings of Captain America and Mickey Mouse? Go to the Library of Congress. Stephen A. Geppi has made the largest comic-book donation ever to the Library of Congress. Items from his collection go on display Tuesday. Published:11/5/2018 11:49:52 AM
[Comedy] Negelect

To vote against a candidate.

I'm going to vote to negelect the Republican Presidential candidate.

Published:11/5/2018 2:17:12 AM
[Comedy] He was fired for cartoons skewering Trump. But this artist’s drawings retain their power. As a new cartoonist officially inherits Rob Rogers’s longtime perch at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Rogers's work is seen even more as a dissent against the last election. Published:11/4/2018 5:46:59 PM
[Comedy] How baseball legends Mays and McCovey helped spark the beloved ‘Peanuts’ holiday specials Emmy-winning TV producer recounts how he pivoted from "the world's greatest baseball player" to the world's worst. Published:11/3/2018 7:10:49 AM
[Comedy] ‘Red Dead Redemption 2’ is jaw-dropping on every level It's hard to imagine that games could look like this, so drenched in detail as to recall some of the exemplary painters in Western art. Published:11/2/2018 4:33:33 PM
[Comedy] The midterms are heating up, and cartoonists are making fun of nonvoters Pollsters and pundits also come in for scrutiny. Published:11/2/2018 11:00:53 AM
[Comedy] No Nut November

A Challenge Where A man must not ejaculate aka bust a nut for the whole month of November

nibba : did you fail no nut november?
nibba : hell nah i aint fail no nut november im saving this nut for my girl on destroy dick december

Published:11/2/2018 2:29:10 AM
[Comedy] ‘Batman: The Animated Series’ is finally in high definition, and there’s only one flaw It could be argued that the series is the perfect Batman adaptation. Published:11/1/2018 10:29:28 AM
[Comedy] @PetrickSara A panic room, but for quickly shoveling all my family’s clutter into when guests stop by unexpectedly. Published:11/1/2018 9:24:12 AM
[Comedy] Chronic Flex

A condition in which someone feels compelled to constantly bring things that make them look good in casual conversation. It can be the same thing every time or a variety of things; as long as the subtle or obvious aim is to make themselves sound or look cool, it's a flex, and if it happens all the time, it's chronic. It's most obvious when a detail is tossed in that is really unnecessary for any other purpose than flexing.

Example 1
"Man it's hot out. I haven't been in weather this warm since the day I met Barak Obama in high school."
"Still suffering from Chronic Flex, huh?"

Example 2
"I'm vegan."

Example 3
"I'm a size medium... I haven't been able to wear a small since I started lifting."
"Hey Chronic Flex, good to see you too."

Published:11/1/2018 2:27:02 AM
[Comedy] The news is scary, so cartoonists are drawing political chills on Halloween From the Senate to the House on the haunted Hill, the holiday is rich with metaphors. Published:10/31/2018 1:23:04 PM
[Comedy] haunting

A variation of ghosting, in which the ghoster continues indirect contact with the ghosted by liking and faveing his or her social media content.

I was an emotional wreck when Ken ghosted me because I thought we had something special, but now he's haunting me every time I see he's re-watched my Snaps.

Published:10/31/2018 2:16:44 AM
[Comedy] For cartoonists commenting on the Pittsburgh shooting, Tree of Life is more than a name. It’s a symbol. Cartoons are memorializing the victims and pinpointing the sources of hate. Published:10/30/2018 4:44:27 PM
[Comedy] Yes, any kid can wear a Black Panther costume, say creators who helped shape the character A Black Panther writer, artist and costume designer have strong opinions. Published:10/30/2018 3:50:52 PM
[Comedy] Weird Flex But Ok

Used in reply to something odd or weird that you wouldn't agree with or understand, but go with anyway.

Someone: Mindy and I like doing it when it's that time of the month for her because I think it's lowkey sexy y'know?
Me: Weird flex but ok

Published:10/30/2018 2:12:57 AM
[Comedy] Pittsburgh cartoonists reflect a city’s pain and compassion after the synagogue shooting Rob Rogers and Randy Bish explain how they responded to the tragedy through art. Published:10/29/2018 2:03:01 PM
[Comedy] ‘Homestuck’ creator explains how his webcomic became a phenomenon Andrew Hussie's third book is out, adapting his epic webcomic. Published:10/29/2018 11:31:44 AM
[Comedy] @TheBoydP Protip: If your wife says the cord on the vacuum cleaner is too short, it doesn’t mean she’s asking for an extension cord for her birthday. Published:10/28/2018 12:57:12 PM
[Comedy] OTX

OTX or #OTX is the abbreviated form of saying “Off The Xans” Made popular by Shoreline Mafia’s Song “Dope House Ft. Ohgeesy)

And I'm OTX, bitch I'm off the pour now,
Servin' goofy niggas, counting up the dough now

Published:10/28/2018 2:24:45 AM
[Comedy] Thot Process

The action or actions made to make someone look like a thot; i.e. make up, revealing clothing, etc.

"Hey everyone, Taysha here. Today, I'm going to show you the Thot Process of some of the Jenner girls today! Let's get started"

Published:10/27/2018 2:17:45 AM
[Comedy] How some cartoonists draw a line between bomb threats and the White House Satire points to incendiary rhetoric. Trump repels blame. Published:10/26/2018 12:43:56 PM
[Comedy] adstraction

Distraction caused by advertisements when you are watching something in youtube.

Youtube should have been adstraction-free rather than testing the viewer's patience.

Published:10/26/2018 2:13:24 AM
[Comedy] Google Doodle: ‘Bambi’ artist Tyrus Wong overcame racism to soar as a Disney Legend “Tyrus Wong’s sophistication of expression was a gigantic leap forward for the medium," says one fellow animation legend. Published:10/25/2018 12:47:28 PM
[Comedy] @shalaylaa Boy in the pub was telling me his job is a penguin erector so every time a plane flys over Edinburgh zoo the penguins can’t take their eyes off it and end up falling over n he just goes round picking them back up, 38 penguins 2000 flights a day Published:10/25/2018 7:36:33 AM
[Comedy] trash panda

A raccoon

Those damn trash pandas keep tearing up my garbage bags.

Published:10/25/2018 2:37:28 AM
[Comedy] From ‘Incredibles 2’ to ‘Isle of Dogs,’ these animated films just entered the Oscars race A diverse slate of 25 films has entered the 2018 race for best Animated Feature. Published:10/24/2018 8:03:44 PM
[Comedy] ‘Six Chix,’ ‘Mutts’ among comics combatting bullying for Unity Day "Six Chix" creator Isabella Bannerman spearheads Unity Day campaign with PACER. Published:10/24/2018 12:32:09 PM
[Comedy] Thooter

A thirsty hoe or a thot

Damn Young Twisty got stupid thooters on him

Published:10/24/2018 2:30:10 AM
[Comedy] Will Daredevil be the last Marvel hero standing at Netflix? Netflix has already cancelled "Luke Cage" and "Iron First." Published:10/23/2018 3:57:50 PM
[Comedy] Fort Worth Star-Telegram apologizes for ‘Field Guide to Liberals’ cartoon An Augusta cartoonist stands by a piece that sparked reader blowback. Published:10/23/2018 11:59:22 AM
[Comedy] Pittsburgh Post-Gazette hires a new conservative cartoonist after the firing of a Trump critic Steve Kelley replaces Rob Rogers, who saw a series of his anti-Trump cartoons spiked by the paper. Published:10/23/2018 10:29:23 AM
[Comedy] How cartoonists are criticizing Trump’s response to violence against the press Soon after the killing of Jamal Khashoggi, the president commended Rep. Greg Gianforte for body-slamming a reporter last year. Published:10/23/2018 5:23:56 AM
[Comedy] @simoncholland I wish I could take a 12 minute power nap in the middle of the afternoon then effortlessly stay awake 6 hours past my bedtime like my kid. Published:10/22/2018 3:09:48 AM
[Comedy] Published:10/22/2018 3:09:48 AM
[Comedy] Serving looks

When someone's whole outfit, hair, makeup, etc. is on point.

Yasssss Sarah you are serving looks tonight.

Published:10/22/2018 3:09:44 AM
[Comedy] 2mar

Way of saying "tomorrow"

"I'm focused on 2mar, done seein' my friends in the rearview thinkin' we closer than we are." - Joe Budden, 'Ventilation'

Published:10/21/2018 2:37:54 AM
[Comedy] How a Star Wars writer’s tweets got him fired by Marvel Writer Chuck Wendig's dismissal after his profane, political Twitter thread took him by surprise. Published:10/19/2018 6:18:35 PM
[Comedy] Kobe Bryant removed from animation festival jury after protest The basketball star won an Oscar for his animated short "Dear Basketball." Published:10/18/2018 2:23:08 PM
[Comedy] sugma

A disease related to Ligma.

Sounds like "suck my"

Guy 1: I've come down with Sugma
Guy 2: Sugma,what's that?
Guy 1: SUGMA BALLS

Published:10/18/2018 2:19:43 AM
[Comedy] How cartoonists are artfully addressing the Jamal Khashoggi story Many blame the Saudi kingdom for the journalist's disappearance -- but it's hard to have an opinion when not all of the facts are known. Published:10/17/2018 12:21:33 PM
[Comedy] From Boy Wonder to adult superhero, Brenton Thwaites’s Robin is no kid sidekick on ‘Titans’ Being Batman's No. 2 was never a part of the actor's deal to come aboard DC Universe's first live-action show. Published:10/17/2018 11:46:01 AM
[Comedy] Squadup

get your crew together; arm yourself; get help

"yo if you wana start beef with me you beta squadup cuz you aint nothing by yourself"

Published:10/17/2018 2:18:18 AM
[Comedy] @egg_dog coffins : the ultimate and final ravioli Published:10/16/2018 3:10:03 PM
[Comedy] No Cap

No lie, On God, a definition of telling the truth. Basically no flex.

J: I No cap think that bitch get around bruh
LEVI: Word

Danique: This engagement ring a real deal?

Kentavious: NO mfkn CAP bro!

Published:10/16/2018 2:06:01 AM
[Comedy] How cartoons spoofed Kanye West’s meeting with Trump Can you envision Kanye as the new communications director? Published:10/15/2018 1:03:16 PM
[Comedy] Critic-proof ‘Venom’ tops box office for a second week Sony can build upon that global success of "Venom," which is on the same hit trajectory as last year's "Logan." Published:10/15/2018 12:08:53 PM
[Comedy] Sawcon

A convention which raises money in order to prevent ligma, a serious condition which has taken the lives of many

Jirami: Yo that guy has ligma...
Kalii: Yeah I have ligma :(
Jirami: I’m sure the people at Sawcon are working hard to protect you!

Published:10/15/2018 2:33:34 AM
[Comedy] in my bag

the act of being in your own world; focused; being in the zone; on your grind

I be in my bag when i get in the booth.

I got an exam coming up, it's time to go in my bag and study.

Published:10/14/2018 2:53:27 AM
[Comedy] Polycule

A portmanteau of "polyamory" or other relationship models beginning with "poly" and "molecule". Polycule is used to describe any system of connected non-monogamous relationships.

A polycule can be as simple as a "V" (A is dating both B and C, with their approval, but B and C are not dating each other) or a triangle (A, B, and C are all dating each other), but it can also get very complex. (Ex: A is dating B and C. B is dating A and D. C is dating A, E, and F. F is also dating G.)

When drawn out as a chart, these connections can look similar to a molecular structure- hence the name polycule.

"My boyfriend's wife just got a new girlfriend. Looks like I'll have to update our polycule!"

"My OTP is Malcolm, Sheila, and Gary. ... What? One True Pairing? No, I meant One True Polycule."

Published:10/13/2018 2:18:55 AM
[Comedy] Hurricane Michael and dire climate-change warnings, through the eyes of cartoonists Devastation brings emotional immediacy to art. Published:10/12/2018 1:43:46 PM
[Comedy] The new season of ‘Daredevil’ goes back to basics and is the best yet The first superhero show at Netflix goes back to black and reestablishes itself as the streaming giant's best Marvel offering. Published:10/12/2018 6:17:47 AM
[Comedy] i have the screenshots

when you are explaining some serious tea and you have proof

omg she litreally said *** ***** **** ***
i have the screenshots

Published:10/12/2018 2:13:08 AM
[Comedy] Rare ‘The Mummy’ poster could fetch a record $1 million-plus at auction The 1932 art of the Boris Karloff classic is believed to be extremely rare. Published:10/11/2018 4:17:13 PM
[Comedy] ‘Astro Bot Rescue Mission’ rekindles the fun of gaming for even the most jaded “Astro Bot” is easy to pick up, a joy to play and challenging to master. Published:10/11/2018 3:45:34 PM
[Comedy] @ziwe LIFEHACK: be born very wealthy Published:10/11/2018 9:19:14 AM
[Comedy] back on my grind

Back on my grind means you're back to your old ways

I tried to change, but I guess I'm back on my grind.

Published:10/11/2018 2:13:07 AM
[Comedy] Tinder Tornado

When unsure whether to swipe left or right, you make a circular swipe on the screen and let fate decide.

I'm taking a gamble on "Lexi". Gonna tinder tornado this one.

Published:10/10/2018 2:07:21 AM
[Comedy] James Gunn will write the new Suicide Squad movie. Will he be the difference-maker WB/DC needs? Disney and Marvel Studios fired Gunn from the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise. Published:10/9/2018 3:38:29 PM
[Comedy] Rock-star YA author Raina Telgemeier will publish the graphic memoir ‘Guts’ next fall Telegemeier will also release a how-to book in the spring. Published:10/9/2018 1:05:18 PM
[Comedy] Banksy’s stunt has become a meme for everything people think has been shredded, like the Constitution Artists have been inspired by Banksy's prank in which he destroyed his painting “Girl With Balloon” after it sold at auction for $1.4 million. Published:10/9/2018 12:03:32 PM
[Comedy] Does ‘Venom’ hold the antidote to eventual superhero fatigue? The Tom Hardy movie earned $80 million domestically and a whopping $205 million worldwide in its first weekend. Published:10/9/2018 10:34:45 AM
[Comedy] do the damn thang

Do what you gotta do- and do it well.

"Shit, we out on the streets, just doin the damn thang, ya know..."

Published:10/9/2018 10:34:44 AM
[Comedy] @captainkalvis Sour patch kids imply sour patch sex Published:10/8/2018 3:18:03 PM
[Comedy] selfiecide

Selfiecide

An accidental death that has been caused whilst trying to take a dangerous Selfie pic.

Did you hear that Dave committed Selfiecide?

He was trying to take a selfie on the Suspension bridge, he slipped and fell to his death.

Published:10/8/2018 3:18:02 PM
[Comedy] ‘Fallout 76’: Multiplayer game actually feels lonely. And that’s great. The top takeaways from The Post's hands-on access to Fallout 76. Published:10/8/2018 3:18:01 PM
[Comedy] boidem

an office of the law(cop, police officer)

yo, boidem just passed

Published:10/7/2018 2:20:08 AM
[Comedy] A Banksy painting sold at auction for $1.4 million — then automatically shredded itself A Sotheby's senior director insisted the auction house was "not in on the ruse." Published:10/6/2018 12:44:06 PM
[Comedy] F.F.F.F.

A one night stand. Used a lot in the 80's

Find 'em, Feel 'em, Fuck 'em and Forget 'em

Published:10/6/2018 2:14:55 AM
[Comedy] ’Assassin’s Creed Odyssey’ is very entertaining. If you have the time to truly play it. Befitting its name, “Odyssey” is a mammoth game, the kind one can sink a few dozen hours into and still have a staggering number of tasks before the credits roll. Published:10/5/2018 10:38:32 AM
[Comedy] ‘Venom’ is a surprisingly funny guilty pleasure that will never be mistaken for greatness "Spider-Man 2" this isn't. But a good time can still be had. Published:10/5/2018 8:38:10 AM
[Comedy] kavanauseous

The feeling you are ready to vomit after going 100 kegs or bust at Beach Week.

I’m gonna be a member of the Beach Week Ralph Club for sure! Man o’ man, am I Kavanauseous!

Published:10/5/2018 2:10:02 AM
[Comedy] How Time magazine’s striking Christine Blasey Ford cover came to be “The testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford hit me pretty hard,” says Time cover artist John Mavroudis. Published:10/4/2018 3:35:56 PM
[Comedy] DC’s newest Wal-Mart Swamp Thing adventure features a story by Brian Azzarello and Greg Capullo “Swamp Thing Halloween Horror Special” comes out this month. Published:10/4/2018 9:32:23 AM
[Comedy] @SeanClements If you can’t handle me at my worst, you might not be crazy about me at my best either. They’re similar. Published:10/4/2018 8:32:09 AM
[Comedy] Sex, lies and capes: ‘Titans’ isn’t as good as Netflix’s Marvel shows yet, but it’s hard to ignore The show is the DC Universe streaming service’s first original live-action series. Published:10/4/2018 8:32:08 AM
[Comedy] kavanaughty

When a man is drinking beer and only beer and is in the mood to rape or molest a woman.

Three Miller lites later I was pushing her around, getting kavanaughty.

Published:10/4/2018 2:29:50 AM
[Comedy] ‘Border Town’ is a comic about immigration and Latino identity. But it’s mainly about monsters. In the new hit series from Vertigo Comics, demons are crossing the border into the real world. Published:10/3/2018 1:26:10 PM
[Comedy] What ‘Venom’ reviews are saying: ‘A fun, fascinating mess,’ and more Is “Venom” worth seeing? That depends on whether you can find laughs in a disjointed, oddball comedy. Published:10/3/2018 10:27:13 AM
[Comedy] Brett Kavanaugh drunk

To become so intoxicated you have no recollection of waving your dick around like you just don’t care

Maaan, I went to that party and I wasn’t just trashed. I wasn’t just wasted. I was straight up Brett Kavanaugh drunk.

Published:10/3/2018 2:23:33 AM
[Comedy] A cartoon depicting Kavanaugh’s daughter sparks a fierce backlash A cartoon by Chris Britt, who usually writes for the Illinois Times, depicted the Supreme Court nominee's daughter praying by her bedside. Published:10/2/2018 4:53:12 PM
[Comedy] Alex Ross’s new book of Marvel work showcases his art’s primary superpower: reality He wants fans to “think of me as sort of the Norman Rockwell of comics.” Published:10/2/2018 10:19:57 AM
[Comedy] blacking out

to get so chemically altered that you don't remember anything.

so i was at this wild house party and the next thing i know i wake up next to some guy i don't even know. man, i HATE blacking out.

Published:10/2/2018 2:17:58 AM
[Comedy] Tom King and Batman top Baltimore Comic-Con’s Ringo Awards DC Comics has a banner night. Published:10/1/2018 12:46:48 PM
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