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Comedy


[Comedy] How West Coast cartoonists deliver powerful art from the wildfires Top political artists draw the catastrophe through a personal lens Published:9/18/2020 5:12:59 AM
[Comedy] @ShortSleeveSuit An emergency vehicle siren but replace it with Owen Wilson’s “wow” Published:9/11/2020 5:09:51 AM
[Comedy] @ElyKreimendahl “you’re so funny” thanks i did not have sex in high school Published:9/9/2020 4:52:09 AM
[Comedy] steezy

Style with Ease

Damn that was a steezy ass kickflip son!

Published:9/6/2020 2:23:48 AM
[Comedy] @HushJared Guys remain 12 until they’re 16. Then they’re 16 until they’re 35, at which point they turn 24. Published:8/31/2020 4:39:47 PM
[Comedy] @LukeMones being a baby's like being blacked out. you dont remember anything, but people show you pictures like "that was you. you threw up right after this” Published:8/31/2020 4:07:48 PM
[Comedy] @MNateShyamalan you idiots are out here getting your wisdom teeth removed. me? i am having more added. where did you think yours were going? that’s right, my mouth. i have 107 wisdom teeth now. my wisdom has never been higher. i am realizing for the first time that this was not a good idea Published:8/27/2020 1:31:51 AM
[Comedy] TSIF

That Shit Is Fucked

Guy 1 : Gawd Damn this is some good ass ice cream.
Guy 2 : Let me get a lick of that shit dawg.
Guy 1 : TSIF
Guy 2 : Come on, you know I'm straight busted till the furst of da Month.

Published:8/26/2020 2:54:18 AM
[Comedy] @JRocIsMajor_ dates with no food are pretty much meetings...and we can do that via email. don’t insult me or my time like that beloved. Published:8/23/2020 2:00:47 AM
[Comedy] A legendary Black superhero universe has been dormant for two decades. Now it’ll finally return. Milestone Comics stopped creating new stories in 1997, but the imprint — and its Dakotaverse of characters — will be back next year. Published:8/22/2020 3:56:24 PM
[Comedy] @Darlainky All I’m saying is that the horror industry will be hard-pressed to scare me after living through 2020. Published:8/22/2020 3:24:31 AM
[Comedy] @ThisLocalHater Hate it when I wear shoes in Walmart and people keep asking if I'm a member of the royal family Published:8/18/2020 2:54:23 AM
[Comedy] @ronnui_ Women get to smell like real things (vanilla, lavender) but men have to smell like concepts. What the fuck is "cool sport rush" Published:8/18/2020 2:22:18 AM
[Comedy] enby

Pronounced (EHN-bee)

Based off of the shortening of "non-binary", N.B.

A term used by the non-binary/genderqueer community as an alternative to girl/boy.

Are they a girl or a boy?
Neither, they're an enby!

Published:8/18/2020 2:22:17 AM
[Comedy] porn virus

A porn virus is a concept made up by males that means the reason there is porn all over one's computer is because they got a virus.

100% of the time it is used as a scapegoat since the real reason there is porn on one's computer is due to the fact that the user voluntarily looked it up.

Thankfully, such viruses do exist, and have therefore saved countless asses of boys and men alike from pissed off parents, girlfriends, or wives who find porn on their computers.

Pissed off mother: Johnny, why is there porn on your computer?!
Johnny: It was a porn virus, I swear!

Pissed off Girlfriend: You've been looking up porn! Am I not good enough for you or something?!
Boyfriend: OH NO, I've been targeted with a porn virus like all my friends!

Published:8/17/2020 2:16:10 AM
[Comedy] rat-licker

A person who refuses to wear a mask, or take any of the basic precautions to help society prevent an air born illness during an epidemic.

( In reference to the bubonic plague being spread by rats. )

I went to the mall for some new underwear, but had to leave. Too many Rat-lickers.

Published:8/16/2020 2:19:48 AM
[Comedy] @bridger_w Please stop saying we live in hell. Hell follows some level of logic and a basic set of rules Published:8/15/2020 6:02:59 AM
[Comedy] ‘Ageless’ tacks on a new mechanic to an old-school platformer Although the new mechanic introduced in ’Ageless’ is fascinating, the game might only have limited appeal. Published:8/13/2020 8:54:31 AM
[Comedy] WAP

Wet Ass Pussy

You can tell by the way she walks, she got that WAP.

You can look at her face and tell she ain't got that WAP.

Published:8/11/2020 3:47:18 AM
[Comedy] Strip Jenga

A term coined by Terrson to represent a form of Jenga where one removes an article of clothing whenever the tower falls.

It was a fearsome sight indeed after the tower fell for the last time, after that, strip jenga was forever banned in the lounge.

<Terrson> My name shall not go down in history as the guy who codified Strip Jenga.
Guess again, Terrson.

Published:8/9/2020 2:21:12 AM
[Comedy] Clock Method

A method of guessing on a multiple choice test that involves looking at the position of the second hand. If the hand is between 12 and 3 the guess is A. If the hand is between 3 and 6 the guess is B. Between 6 and 9 guess C. Between 9 and 12 guess D.

I passed my test! Thanks to the Clock Method

Published:8/8/2020 2:14:30 AM
[Comedy] Celebrity Free Pass

A celebrity free pass is an agreement between you and your significant other that if you meet said celebrity and there is an opportunity to sleep with them, your partner cannot get mad at you for doing so because you had agreed before hand that this person was your celebrity free pass. It is ideal if both of you in the relationship choose a celebrity free pass so that the playing field is even.

Julia met Drake at a bar, and hooked up with him, knowing that her significant other could not be mad at her, because Drake was her celebrity free pass.

Published:8/7/2020 2:12:09 AM
[Comedy] @TragicAllyHere A neat thing about 2020 is that enough stuff happens every month to fill an entire verse of “we didn’t start the fire” Published:8/6/2020 7:05:27 AM
[Comedy] It is what it is

Used often in the business world, this incredibly versatile phrase can be literally translated as "fuck it."

The client changed the deadline to today? Well, it is what it is.

Published:8/6/2020 2:31:20 AM
[Comedy] @videojames_ guy inventing the clock: ok i just need to set it and it'll be done. does anybody know what time it- fuck Published:8/5/2020 8:57:27 AM
[Comedy] lickable clink

A clink on a webpage that you can lick.
ie a spoonerism of clickable link

For more info there's a lickable clink in the description

Published:8/5/2020 2:25:35 AM
[Comedy] brain bleach

Man's greatest invention, brain bleach removes bad memories and general DO NOT WANT moments. Every household should have a few gallons.

1: Dude, I just walked in on my parents.
2: Have some Brain Bleach!

Published:8/4/2020 2:38:58 AM
[Comedy] Amazheimer's

Condition which causes you to place an Amazon order, then shortly after remember something else you needed and place another order.

Wow, 10 Amazon boxes showed up on my door today. My Amazheimer's must be acting up again.

Person 1: Bro, your Amazheimer's is getting out of control.
Person 2: It's OK, I have Prime.

Published:8/3/2020 8:12:30 AM
[Comedy] When Laurie Kilmartin’s mom was dying of covid-19, she turned tragedy into comedy. It’s what she always does. The comedian and "Conan" writer wrote a book about her dad's death, and is performing standup about her mom's. She jokes so that others will take the coronavirus seriously. Published:8/3/2020 8:12:30 AM
[Comedy] @perfectsweeties working at an italian restaurant when i put a pizza in the oven. the dough begins expanding. it fills the entire oven. then the kitchen and beyond. it wont stop. pepperonis become star systems. cheese stretches into asteroid belts. the birth of a new universe. the big bada bang Published:8/2/2020 12:58:04 PM
[Comedy] Simp

Someone who does way too much for a person they like

Brian shu the simp: I bought her a car and a whole ass house and we not even dating!
Nathan the pimp: U a simp.

Published:8/2/2020 12:58:03 PM
[Comedy] hits different

to listen or experience something that conveys a different emotion or feeling than when previously experienced. this new feeling is typically significantly worse or better after new information is discovered.

i love michael jackson, but this song hits different now that he’s a pedophile lmao.

Published:8/1/2020 2:27:41 AM
[Comedy] Cornteen

Internet slang for “quarantine”, originating from the many times people misspelled that word on social media during the COVID-19 or coronavirus crisis. Often used in posts expressing boredom or frustration related to self-quarantine or 'social distancing' measures.

Sometimes also (mis)spelled ‘corn teen’, ‘corn and teen’, ‘corn in teen’ or ‘corn of teen’.

“Wow, They Making Us Self Cornteen”
“I may not be making babies during this corn teen but by god I’m thinkin about it”
“I’ve been drunk almost everyday of corn and teen”
“Really regret not getting my eyebrows done before corn of teen”
“What y’all doing for the corn in teen?”

Published:7/31/2020 2:55:43 AM
[Comedy] Reclaiming my time

When people are on your time but wasting it!

Maxine: Are you familiar with the May 23rd letter that I sent
Munchkin: Thank you for having me here, you're such a beautifu-
Maxine: RECLAIMING MY TIME. -- Answer the question, hoe.

Published:7/30/2020 6:29:04 AM
[Comedy] I hope she sees this bro

Phrase to use when a man's been simping. When a man, usually unattractive, publicly tweets at, or otherwise contacts, a girl who is usually out of their league with excessive compliments and/or the offering of money, you hit them with this. Anyone who received this phrase should automatically lose your respect. Stay away.

Tweet from @SoylentIsAwesome:
@pokimanelol
You're amazing, stunning. I want to give you money. What's your cashapp?
Tweet from @ChadBenja:
@SoylentIsAwesome
I hope she sees this bro.

Published:7/29/2020 3:06:33 AM
[Comedy] I hope she sees this bro

A statement made by men on social media to address another man who they perceive to be "sucking up" to women. It's assumed by men who use this statement that the man in question isn't being truthful about what he's saying, rather he's just trying to appease women/a woman.

Men who use this statement are oftentimes considered to be incels, primarily by women.

Josh: I don't care about the physical appearance of a woman. I don't care about the size of her breasts or butt. I want a woman who has a kind heart and will be the proud mother of my children. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. No woman is truly ugly. Every woman is beautiful in her own way.

Sam: I hope she sees this bro

======================================

John: Women shouldn't have to worry about the clothes they wear when they go outside. It's not their fault that men can't contain their perverted desires.

Fred: I hope she sees this

Published:7/29/2020 2:37:56 AM
[Comedy] smoking gas

Smoking loud marijuana. like 110 Octane

" Paul Shawn is always smoking gas!"

Published:7/28/2020 9:06:59 AM
[Comedy] @portmanteauface Welcome to adulthood, if you sleep on the wrong pillow you’ll feel like you got in a motorcycle accident for three days Published:7/25/2020 2:13:30 AM
[Comedy] 864511320

Vote out Trump
86 means to cancel something
45 - Trump
11320 - Election Day November 3, 2020

I’m so sick of this president. I need a bumper sticker saying 864511320

Published:7/24/2020 2:09:02 AM
[Comedy] Comic-Con is virtual for the first time, and anyone can attend for free. Here’s what to expect. A scaled-down San Diego Comic-Con@Home will be a Zoom-happy event starting Wednesday, featuring Charlize Theron and Guillermo del Toro. Published:7/22/2020 12:55:45 PM
[Comedy] @heyjaredhey Alcohol companies are like “please enjoy responsibly” ok I will drink alone in my room with my SIM card taken out Published:7/22/2020 10:03:10 AM
[Comedy] Karen

Middle aged woman, typically blonde, makes solutions to others' problems an inconvenience to her although she isn't even remotely affected.

Karen sues the local city council after they installed a new STOP sign that hides the sun from her window for two minutes a day. The sign was installed after a school boy on his bicycle was hit by a speeding driver and died.

Karen refuses to wear a face mask for her 5 minute trip to the supermarket during a pandemic. She harasses the workers, asks to see the manager and threatens to sue.

Karen complains that her favorite parking spot was replaced by a ramp for wheel chairs. She parks her car in the old spot anyway and shoots a vlog about it.

Published:7/21/2020 2:12:06 AM
[Comedy] @notskanky trying to relate to boys that play video games like hey babe how was pretending to brutally murder people today? did you *checks notes* call the duty? Published:7/18/2020 3:53:52 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Old Guard’ on Netflix is a comic-book movie playing by a new set of rules Netflix's “The Old Guard” has two black women as director and star, Gina Prince-Bythewood and Kiki Layne — a one-of-a-kind duo in the comic-book movie genre. Published:7/15/2020 10:07:57 AM
[Comedy] Gender Euphoria

The feeling a trans person gets when he/she/they are able to start presenting as the gender they identify as and people start treating them accordingly

When they used my proper pronouns, my gender dysphoria became gender euphoria

Published:7/15/2020 2:32:13 AM
[Comedy] onosecond

The horrible moment when you realise that you have accidentally done something very slightly wrong which has very bad (usually embarassing) implications for you. This is typically the moment of realisation that you just sent a dirty text message to a close member of family, typically your mother, rather than the intended recipient.

Message: "i'm free this afternoon so come over and fuck me senseless, my parents will be out all day"
Recipient: Mum
Message Sent
- Onosecond occurs here -

Published:7/12/2020 2:10:58 AM
[Comedy] Maskhole

selfish idiots in my neighborhood who think that they don't need to wear a mask because the rest of us do

A maskhole jogged right past me in the park today

Published:7/11/2020 2:09:53 AM
[Comedy] @samttaggart The best way to solve Covid is to turn it into some sort of game where the state with the lowest cases each week gets a pizza party or some shit. This unfortunately would work really well. Published:7/7/2020 3:11:16 PM
[Comedy] Rest in power

Phrase meaning that a deceased cannot rest in peace until society changes due to the circumstances of a death.

People said rest in power for the unarmed man had been shot by the police.

Published:7/6/2020 2:00:43 AM
[Comedy] @eff_yeah_steph I accidentally took my birth control pill twice yesterday and when I woke up this morning, one of my kids was gone. Published:7/5/2020 3:51:03 AM
[Comedy] @mostlysharks finding nemo came out in 2003 and clownfish only live 3-5 years so good morning nemo is dead Published:7/5/2020 3:21:00 AM
[Comedy] Fun dialogue and good voice-over work doesn’t add up to enough in ‘Neversong’ "Neversong" lacks the punch to make it more than the sum of its parts. Published:7/2/2020 6:12:14 PM
[Comedy] @cartercartilage no my tattoos do not have any meaning i am simply a child putting permanent stickers all over myself<3 stop asking pls Published:6/30/2020 9:51:15 AM
[Comedy] TrUmPINg

Selling the soul of America to Russia

POTUS45 was trumping again when he took no action against Putin's bounty on American soldiers.

Published:6/30/2020 2:54:47 AM
[Comedy] double texting

sending two texts in a row without a reply inbetween.

Rachel: whats up?
Tessa: not to much! hbu?
Tessa: dude, i'm so bored.
Rachel: stop double texting me.

Published:6/30/2020 2:16:12 AM
[Comedy] @spacexluv i wish i was a little kid so i could take a long nap and everyone just be proud of me Published:6/29/2020 2:40:36 AM
[Comedy] Smize

To smize is smiling with your eyes.

Tyra Banks taught the models how to smize on America's Next Top MOdel.

Published:6/29/2020 2:12:34 AM
[Comedy] Himbo

Generally, a large (broad, tall, or buff) attractive man, who tends to be not very bright, but usually extremely nice and respectful. Think Kronk from The Emperors New Groove, or maybe a golden retriever.

That guy is totally a himbo, he’s super nice but maybe don’t try to have a deep philosophical conversation with him.

Published:6/27/2020 2:28:14 AM
[Comedy] @NSLCpunk My conspiracy theory is that time travel IS real & someone keeps trying to fix 2020 by changing something but every time they do, they unwittingly make it worse. How else do you explain the sudden disappearance of murder hornets? They saved us from those but at what cost?!?! Published:6/26/2020 6:40:43 AM
[Comedy] wallet biopsy

When a paramedic goes through ones wallet while they are in an ambulance. Usually the paramedic will take just insurance information.

The paramedic knew which hospital to bring me to by a wallet biopsy on me.

Published:6/26/2020 6:40:43 AM
[Comedy] ‘Little Orpheus’: A cheeky homage to the golden age of science fiction “Little Orpheus” caters to a longing for childlike, wide-eyed wonder. Published:6/26/2020 6:40:43 AM
[Comedy] @lifeofbryony If you cut off the string and tag from a teabag and stick it just inside a coffee mug, so it dangles over the outside and looks like there's tea in there, you can fill the mug with gin and avoid judgement from your family. Published:6/24/2020 10:10:55 AM
[Comedy] Bunker bitch

Where Trump gets his diaper changed after soiling it.

Our president heard fireworks and shouting outside, so he bravely retreated to his bunker after defecting all over the Oval Office, the ol’ bunker bitch!

Published:6/24/2020 2:39:05 AM
[Comedy] One small paper has stopped running political cartoons after a controversy. What if others follow? How some small papers handle cartoons is spotlighted amid series of controversies and apologies. Published:6/23/2020 10:35:57 AM
[Comedy] Christian Cooper hopes America can change. Because he’s not going to. Years before sparking a conversation about race and stereotypes, Cooper pushed for inclusion while working for Marvel Comics. Published:6/23/2020 5:00:44 AM
[Comedy] BHAZ

Black House Autonomous Zone. The area around Lafayette Square, Washington D.C. It is in reference to Seattle, Washington’s Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone CHAZ.

The CNN crew was ejected, without explanation, from the BHAZ across from the White House.

Published:6/23/2020 2:31:30 AM
[Comedy] @Scaachi i don’t have any hobbies but i do like reading customer reviews of indian cookbooks where white people complain about the dishes being too spicy Published:6/22/2020 8:58:10 AM
[Comedy] Drop gun

throwdown

An unregistered firearm carried by policemen to "drop" at the scene where a pursued suspect has been shot; used to justify shooting/killing a possibly unarmed suspect.

Witnesses found a pistol lying on the ground near the fleeing criminal's body, but nobody except the pursuing policeman knew it was a only drop gun, not the criminal's weapon.

Published:6/22/2020 2:23:24 AM
[Comedy] Hindsight is 2020

Refers to a realization and clarity on how we humans live on our planet that occurred internationally during the covid-19 pandemic

A play on or modification of the previous phrase 'hindsight is 20/20,' referring to clear vision.

Guy in 2030: It's crazy how once we used to sit in traffic, burning fossil fuels for hours per day.. and how when you'd buy something, it would be wrapped in layers and layers of plastic.
Girl in 2030: Well things all changed during the global covid-19 pandemic. People re-assessed how our whole world was operating. They say hindsight is 2020.

Published:6/21/2020 2:17:43 AM
[Comedy] Corona Party

Similar to a pox party, adults expose themselves to people who have contracted Coronavirus (COVID-19) disease in the misguided hope that they will have recovered from it before hospitals have been over-run with people and treatment isn't possible.

Anyone game for a corona party? BYOB!

Published:6/20/2020 2:10:06 AM
[Comedy] Juneteenth

In the US, slavery was officially abolished with the 1863 Emancipation Proclamation. No one bothered to tell all the slaves in Texas until June 19, 1865, a day commonly celebrated as "Juneteenth."

Every Juneteenth we're reminded just how mean people could be.

Published:6/19/2020 10:41:10 PM
[Comedy] @deertearss “what’s your dream job?” I simply do not dream of labor Published:6/18/2020 1:26:13 PM
[Comedy] milkshake cop

A cop who portrays themself as a victim of anti-cop bias but in reality made the story up for sympathy & attention bc they are a loser LARPing as a tough guy.

My aunt sent me the news story about the cop whose coffee cup was labeled “Pig” at Starbucks so I had to tell her he was a Milkshake Cop who was trying to get a trans barista fired.

Published:6/18/2020 1:26:12 PM
[Comedy] ‘Maneater’: A light, summer snack of a game “Maneater” is an environmentally-conscious, open-world game that puts players in control of a female bull shark whose task is to grow larger and more powerful by consuming as much as possible. Published:6/18/2020 1:26:12 PM
[Comedy] Generational Privilege

a phenomenon that occurs when you have an unbroken chain of ancestors going back several generations, who have never experienced oppression, that prevents you from acknowledging the possibility that oppression may still exist for other social groups besides your own.

Karen doesn't understand why "all lives matter" misses the point, because of her generational privilege.

Published:6/17/2020 2:17:57 AM
[Comedy] maskadaisical

Slacking off on wearing a mask in public places to prevent contracting coronavirus.

Dude, we have to go back to the house. I forgot my mask and I can't get into Costco without it.

Man, you are becoming maskadaisical!

Published:6/16/2020 2:19:21 AM
[Comedy] Somehow, 25 years later, ‘Batman Forever’ still works. You just have to know where to look. Was the third time a charm for Batman at the movies? Published:6/15/2020 5:44:36 PM
[Comedy] @KimmyMonte accidentally vacuumed up my air guitar again. Published:6/15/2020 3:42:09 AM
[Comedy] This New Yorker cover portrait of George Floyd is a powerful ‘heartbreaker’ Kadir Nelson's illustration "Say Their Names," for the New Yorker, represents the violence against African Americans across the centuries. Published:6/15/2020 3:42:08 AM
[Comedy] Covid Speakeasy

An unlawful gathering spot to drink & socialize during the Covid crisis.

We are heading to the ice rink to party on Saturday.....that place is a regular Covid Speakeasy.

Published:6/15/2020 3:42:08 AM
[Comedy] Published:6/13/2020 10:29:27 AM
[Comedy] Breonna Taylor

Breonna Taylor was a 26-year-old black woman who was an EMT before being brutally murdered by 4 plain clothes policemen who forced entry into her house under a "no-knock" warrant after midnight. The police were looking for a suspect that had been arrested earlier in the day and had accidentally come into the wrong house. Breonna Taylor was completely innocent of wrongdoing and murdered with no accountability.

Breonna Taylor's death was an example of police brutality and she deserves justice now.

Published:6/13/2020 2:24:39 AM
[Comedy] taz

temporary autonomous zone, from Hakim Bey's TAZ: Broadsheets of Ontological Anarchism. Opposite of a PAZ which is a permanent autonomous zone. Any temporary liberated space (ie, a squat, a street for a party, a phonebooth for a prank/art sabotage

The women made a circle of yurts in the field and assigned armed guards to the perimeter so that their TAZ might be a safe place for the hellraising weekend to follow.

Published:6/12/2020 7:24:43 AM
[Comedy] ‘The Last of Us Part II’: One of the best video games ever made “The Last of Us Part II” is a demonstration of how a video game can marry heart-stopping gameplay, gorgeous environmental storytelling and anxiety-inducing moral complexity. Published:6/12/2020 7:24:42 AM
[Comedy] Cop Kisser

Someone who is extremely nice to a Police Officer even when the Police Officer is being a jerk...

That Dude is a Cop KIsser he thanked the Officer for giving him a ticket for Jay Walking at 3AM on a Sunday...

Published:6/11/2020 11:56:40 AM
[Comedy] George Floyd’s death has inspired powerful protest art: ‘I needed to have another way of seeing him’ From street murals to George Floyd portrait projects, artists rise to the social moment. Published:6/11/2020 11:56:40 AM
[Comedy] @KingBraize Sept 11th, I’m wearing a shirt that says “All Buildings Matter” Published:6/10/2020 6:38:32 PM
[Comedy] doomscrolling

Obsessively reading social media posts about how utterly fucked we are.

I've got to stop doomscrolling about covid-19, it's making me depressed.

Published:6/10/2020 2:34:09 AM
[Comedy] bothsidesism

When a person tries to make you believe that both sides are equally responsible for something even though one is really, clearly, at fault.

Trump's bothsidesism about the alt-right and alt-left is ridiculous.

Published:6/9/2020 2:26:02 AM
[Comedy] teargaslighting

The act of tear gassing peaceful protestors with OC gas and then trying to gaslight your way out of it by saying that it was just a gas that causes tears, not tear gas.

Trump's teargaslighting the nation better backfire on him

Published:6/8/2020 6:19:47 AM
[Comedy] authoritarian

In a political context - In favor of large, intrusive government that violates or suppresses individual rights; characterized by a "law and order" approach; failing to support civil liberties and/or economic freedom in society; undemocratic

In a non-political context - Bossy, controlling, domineering

People with authoritarian views, agendas, or personalities rarely describe themselves as authoritarian, but can often be spotted when they try to rationalize some government control as being necessary "for national security", "for public safety", "for the children", or "for your own good".

The longer Senator Bullwrap stayed in office, the more authoritarian he became.

Published:6/7/2020 11:05:15 AM
[Comedy] I can't breathe

True of COVID-19 sufferers and of George Floyd. The key phrase at this moment in American history.

"I can't breathe, said Floyd as he was being suffocated. "I can't breathe" thought more than 100,000 victims as they were dying of Covid. "I can't breathe" chanted countless Americans in the streets, protesting enduring police brutality.

Published:6/6/2020 2:32:46 AM
[Comedy] copaganda

portraying police in a positive or helpful light, when in reality they are the violent fascist tools of an authoritarian military state

“That show is all copaganda. No such thing as a good cop.”

Published:6/5/2020 2:25:52 AM
[Comedy] @Fred_Delicious soup was invented in 1927 by John Soup when he wanted to drink a chicken Published:6/4/2020 4:21:31 AM
[Comedy] @local__celeb if im going on a date i think regardless of gender, the other person should pay. this is rooted in the fact that i don’t want to pay Published:6/4/2020 3:49:32 AM
[Comedy] FDT

Fuck Donald Trump

FDT he's the most ignorant racist person ever

Published:6/4/2020 2:18:41 AM
[Comedy] OK Bootlicker

This is what you say to someone when they talk about how much they love police

Bootlicker: OMG! Don't say fuck the police, police put their lives on the line every day!
Normal Person: OK Bootlicker

Published:6/3/2020 2:21:53 AM
[Comedy] 1312

1312 means "All Cops Are Bastards". The numbers represent the alphabetical letters ACAB.

1312 is often found on t-shirts.

Published:6/2/2020 2:07:28 AM
[Comedy] Riot

The thing you start when you feel so angry, so ripped off, so stepped on.

Greece in it's current state, is full of riots

Published:6/1/2020 2:51:53 AM
[Comedy] F.T.P.

F.T.P. is the acronym for the term "Fuck Tha Police" which was actually coin in the year 1988 by the late, great, American rap artist...Mr. Eazy-E! (RIP)

Fuck Tha Police or F.T.P. is a song by rap group NWA that was written in 1988! "In the case of NWA vs. The Police Department.....Fuck Tha Police!"

Published:5/31/2020 2:21:54 AM
[Comedy] acab

all cops are bastards. this trend has started in a attempt for people to see how unfair the black community is treated in the eyes of the law.

R.I.P trayvon #acab

Published:5/30/2020 2:16:55 AM
[Comedy] @ben_rosen zoom needs a button that plays wrap it up music like at the oscars Published:5/29/2020 9:12:08 AM
[Comedy] Don’t let ‘Justice League’ fool you — Henry Cavill is still the best Superman option out there Cavill is reportedly in talks to return as Superman. Published:5/29/2020 9:12:08 AM
[Comedy] Fuck 12

Fuck 12 really just means fuck the police.

Daquan - Dude don't spray paint the bridge! You're gonna get arrested again!
Mikel- Man, Fuck 12.

Published:5/29/2020 2:08:51 AM
[Comedy] 12

The Police. Any law enforcement agent. See also "PO-PO" and "ONE-TIME."

Shouting "TWELVE" when the cops are spotted approaching the scene of some illegal activity.

Published:5/28/2020 3:02:25 AM
[Comedy] Cartoons are skewering Trump’s golfing against the backdrop of covid-19 deaths Some cartoonists mashed up Trump and Sunday's New York Times front page. Published:5/27/2020 11:14:27 AM
[Comedy] bout’ to get western

Often used to in a way to say oh shits about to go down but for mainly country people.

You will often say it when or if cattle gets lose so you would use the term bout’ to get western to explain shits getting crazy.

Or you could also use it if you at a nascar race and a car flips you would say it’s bout’ to get western

Bubba just got kicked at the gate and now the cattle are shits bout’ to get western

Published:5/27/2020 2:10:40 AM
[Comedy] @lawrenrae_ Bugs have so much outside, why are they so pressed to come inside?? Published:5/26/2020 10:35:34 AM
[Comedy] @jonnysun if your dog is over 8 years old (56 in dog years) then your dog is a boomer, sorry Published:5/24/2020 4:54:17 AM
[Comedy] You can get it

Is the phrase used mainly in south florida to describe the sexual appeal of a person, "you can get it" is meant in the sense that the person (who can get it) is sexually appealing enough to the person making the statement, that at any point in time, the person can get "it" meaning sex.

"Hey wussup Maria?"

"Hey Dre, whats up?"
"I just thought I'd let you know.....YOU CAN GET IT!!!!!"
;)

Published:5/24/2020 2:22:35 AM
[Comedy] ok den what

An accurate way to respond to anything... must be said in a low pitched voice

“Shit dude somebody just robbed my house”
“Ok den what”

Published:5/23/2020 2:14:57 AM
[Comedy] Doomer

A lack of faith in humanity, or people in general.

Giving up on all humans, or groups of people, for perceived slights or injustices committed by a few.

Lacking confidence in the future of humans because of an event, directly affecting their life or not, despite any positive response that happened.

Note: This is not limited to any particular political group, affiliation or generation.

Doomer: I just lost faith in humanity because someone hit a child walking down the street and just drove off. Nevermind the dozen people that stopped to check on them, and that called the police while doing everything they could to help the person in need. That one human who hit them makes everyone bad in my eyes.

Normal people: Ok doomer.

Published:5/21/2020 2:29:08 AM
[Comedy] @shutupmikeginn Just took an online IQ test and my score starts with an 7 but I have to pay $100 to see the second digit. Time to find out if I’m a genius! Published:5/20/2020 3:57:02 AM
[Comedy] @floozyesq you're telling me a random house published this book? Published:5/20/2020 3:22:57 AM
[Comedy] nerd-snipe

To provide a problem so interesting and difficult that the target is compelled to cease whatever they are doing (eating, reading, walking) in order to think about it.

Most effective on math professors, science majors, and similar.

Term coined by Randall Munroe, author of the webcomic XKCD.

"I started thinking about the effective resistance of an infinite network of resistors, but then I realized I had self-nerd-sniped."

"My friend totally nerd-sniped me! He suggested this problem and next thing I knew I was late to class!"

Published:5/20/2020 2:22:54 AM
[Comedy] ‘Arcade Spirits’: The video game equivalent of a beach read “Arcade Spirits” will elicit some warm fuzzies for those who carry fond memories of basking in the backlit glow of arcade machines. Published:5/19/2020 11:23:09 AM
[Comedy] Boomer holes

When you move into a house previously owned by a boomer, and the floors have holes for cable TV wires, the wall has a phone jack for a landline, etc.

We should get some posters and paintings to cover up all these boomer holes.

Published:5/19/2020 2:22:22 AM
[Comedy] @AlanaMassey Woke up to the memory of a time in college when a very proper, VERY English friend was trying to recall the name of a character in a children’s show. “The green one, you know?Disagreeable, quite shouty? Lives in the rubbish.” She meant Oscar the Grouch. Published:5/18/2020 6:09:58 AM
[Comedy] Gabagool

A spicy Italian sausage. Tony wants it but can't have it.

Tony: Who ate all the gabagool?
Wife: No more gabagool for you, the doctor said it's bad for you.
Tony: I don't give a f...!!!

Published:5/18/2020 6:09:57 AM
[Comedy] Shift F7

A phrase to use when you lack an adjective in your conversation.
Derived from the shortcut key for the thesaurus in a microsoft word document.

person 1: and thats what temporal summation is...
person 2: ok i get the meaning but put it into context its just so..... shift F7

The book itself was an anecdotal account of the trials and tribulations of the dpression. Harsh, Oblique, Shift F7 and somewhat beautiful in its portrayal.

Published:5/15/2020 2:16:50 AM
[Comedy] paypig

In the realm of BDSM, a paypig is a submissive, almost always male, who has consented to financial servitude towards his Mistress. Term used in a derogatory/humiliating light, usually by Mistresses.

My paypig bought me a $500 pair of heels today after I demanded him to.

Published:5/14/2020 2:16:14 AM
[Comedy] @meganamram I used 6,000 N95 masks to spell out "THANK U HEROES!!!!!" on the beach then lit them on fire so nurses all over the world could see ?? Published:5/13/2020 7:34:58 AM
[Comedy] Foodie call

A person who goes out on dates with the sole purpose of getting a free dinner.

I'm going out with Julie tonight.
It's a foodie call, dude, she's got a boyfriend.

Published:5/13/2020 4:35:11 AM
[Comedy] ‘Streets of Rage 4’: Polished, old-school, beat-‘em-up action “Streets of Rage 4” is the video game equivalent of comfort food. Published:5/12/2020 9:21:12 AM
[Comedy] fielding season

The opposite of cuffing season.
From late May to early September during which people like to keep it cool and play the field.

What happened to your boyfriend?
Bitchhhh it's fielding season!!
YASSSSSS QUEENNNNN!!!

Published:5/12/2020 9:21:12 AM
[Comedy] coask

A.k.a. "co-ask". It's a frequent word on Chinese forums, which is usually used individually to express that one's question is the same as the former questioner's.

- What's the meaning of "niubility"?
- Coask.

Published:5/11/2020 2:27:37 AM
[Comedy] thirstposting

Posting on social media simply to get likes and reacts.

Bitches be thirstposting.

Published:5/10/2020 6:47:52 PM
[Comedy] hydt

How You Do That

" lil mama How You Do That ? " ~ OHNO - HYDT'

Published:5/9/2020 12:45:07 PM
[Comedy] @HonestToddler If you have three kids that’s four people you have to keep hydrated that’s crazy Published:5/8/2020 11:30:53 AM
[Comedy] Schrodingers asshole

A person who decides whether or not they're full of shit by the reactions of those around them.

"That guy who posted ____ but said he was just trolling when no one agreed with him is totally a Schrodingers Asshole"

Published:5/8/2020 2:28:38 AM
[Comedy] ball and socket

A ball and socket occurs when one bro goes in for the fist and the reciprocating bro acts as if he is gona bump too, but instead grabs the bros fist and shakes in a pivoting motion making for an awkward moment. Thus the ball and socket has been created.

Bro 1: Fuck yea! (Goes for the fist bump)

Bro 2: (secretly going in for the bro move with alterior motives, and grabs the fist and shakes)

Bro 1: awe shit man the ol' Ball and Socket!

Published:5/7/2020 2:24:11 AM
[Comedy] @PleaseBeGneiss Pineapples went way hard. Knives on top. Shark teeth around the sides. Once you get inside you think you’ve won until the juice starts eating your fuckin tongue. Absolutely metal. Published:5/6/2020 5:20:48 AM
[Comedy] cowboyitis

/'kou?boi'id?s/

Noun

An intentional lack of regard for danger or negative consequences to strategically help yourself. Using cowboyitis is a cunning tactic to provide self gain.

Sales Work Environment:

Client is avoiding purchase a product

James (sales rep): Why is it you do not want to buy this product?

Clay (customer): Cuz' man, this is expensive

James (now irritated after working with this client for 30 mins): Look man, this is the best of the best and there is no other place you can get this product. You either purchase it today or walk away and feel unsatisfied every time you look at women.

Clay (shocked but not offended): Ok you have a point, I'm not going to wait to make this purchase anymore. Ring me up

James completes the order and walks to Melissa, his sales manager.

Melissa: Give me a high five James, Great Job. That was pure Cowboyitis! Did not know you had that quality.

Published:5/6/2020 2:23:54 AM
[Comedy] We’d like to see the artwork you’re creating during the coronavirus crisis Submit your visual art here. We'll publish some of the submissions. Published:5/5/2020 10:46:37 PM
[Comedy] How ‘The Clone Wars’ turned Ahsoka Tano into a legendary Star Wars character "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" is coming to an end on Disney Plus, but voice actress Ashley Eckstein helped assure that Ahsoka will live on. Published:5/5/2020 3:31:16 AM
[Comedy] on the tether

On house arrest, usually with a tracking device around one's ankle. Like a horse tethered to a post; you can't go anywhere.

Nah, man, you gotta come over to chill. You know they got me on the tether n' shit!

Published:5/5/2020 3:31:16 AM
[Comedy] dead cat bounce

Investor slang; a brief recovery in the price of a falling stock. Term is derived from the idea that "even a dead cat will bounce if it falls from a great height."

I tried to buy GX on the dead cat bounce but got burned.

Published:5/3/2020 2:25:32 AM
[Comedy] @ameliaelizalde just got dumped and my roommate is trying to make me feel better by playing cards with me but she just keeps winning and whispering “sorry” Published:5/2/2020 10:55:20 AM
[Comedy] downshifters

People who had a good professional job and (usually) a house which had significantly increased in value - but then they realised that by selling the house and moving to another (usually rural, far cheaper) area of the country, they could 'downshift' their lives and yet still have a small fortune in the bank + less stress, less work, more time with the family, more money.

See also: downshifting.

I know a couple who downshifted from their £2.1m house in London. She was in teaching, he was an accountant. Now they run a great little art gallery during the summer in the wilds of the Derbyshire Peak District, and just make art and teach their kids for most of the year."

Published:5/2/2020 2:18:54 AM
[Comedy] ‘Paper Beast’: A truly great PlayStation VR game Don’t be surprised to see the visionary "Paper Beast" on the year’s best list. Published:5/1/2020 12:46:05 PM
[Comedy] New normal

The current state of being after some dramatic change has transpired. What replaces the expected, usual, typical state after an event occurs. The new normal encourages one to deal with current situations rather than lamenting what could have been.

Housing costs plummeting is the new normal.

Having less discretionary income after the stock market crash is the new normal.
She expected to be saddened by his departure and accepted her feelings as the new normal.
Spending less on entertainment is the new normal during economic downturns.
Now that the baby was born, having less free time was the new normal for the new parents.

Published:5/1/2020 2:14:56 AM
[Comedy] shineboxing

1. The act of insulting someone via a reference to an embarrassing event in their past. The term was popularized by a scene in "Goodfellas" in which Billy Batts admonishes Tommy DeVito for his subservient childhood job by exclaiming "go home and get your f**kin shinebox."
2. Attacking someone for previous shameful actions, giving the impression said acts are indelible.

Mike opted to avoid attending his high school reunion, knowing they'd remember his loss of bladder control in gym class and be shineboxing him all night.

Published:4/30/2020 2:37:22 AM
[Comedy] @nedwards PRIEST: it do be like that sometimes CONGREGATION: like that sometimes it be Published:4/29/2020 10:02:48 AM
[Comedy] Cuomosexual

In love with competent, reassuring governance by a leader who uses complete sentences and displays common sense during a pandemic.

After watching today's New York State pandemic news conference, I officially identify as a cuomosexual. (
h/t Randy Rainbow)

Published:4/29/2020 2:06:20 AM
[Comedy] @jillboard [every recipe] This dish is SUPER EASY to make! - 1,000 spices you don’t own - 2 quarts. u know what a quart is? - you’ve never heard of this item in your life. google it bitch. - cookware even your parents don’t have - no not that kind of flour - good luck finding eggs - eggs Published:4/28/2020 8:28:57 AM
[Comedy] national drop fake friends day

A day on April 28th, where you tell all your fake friends you don't want to be friends with them, because, their fake.

"Hey Marcus, It's national drop fake friends day so be gone thot"

Published:4/28/2020 8:28:57 AM
[Comedy] Maskhole

Assholes who don’t wear masks publicly during the Coronavirus/COVID 19 Pandemic. Especially common in NYC and usually of a certain perceived privaledge and political party(GOP).

That fucking MASKHOLE rolled up behind us like a Stealth Bomber as we were getting off the ferry on 34th street. Running and coughing, spreading that Rona all over the back of our necks. Not a mask or bandana in sight!

Published:4/27/2020 1:16:27 PM
[Comedy] ‘The Clone Wars’ proves yet again that Darth Maul is the most tragic Star Wars character Darth Maul could have saved the galaxy in 'Star Wars: The Clone Wars," and lived on in the movies. Neither happened. Published:4/27/2020 1:16:27 PM
[Comedy] nah bitch

What you say to someone when you agitated and they say something stupid.

Homie: Bruh let's go down to the club and get some booty for the night

You: I ain't feelin it cuz

Homie: Nigga You never feelin anything c'mon

You: Nah bitch

Published:4/26/2020 2:13:44 AM
[Comedy] take several seats

When someone is doin' too much (or trying to hard) and just need to sit down somewhere and be quiet because they sound stupid.

Becky: *puts relaxer in her hair*
Becky: *is now bald*
Becky: I just wanted my hair to be straight
...Take several seats

Published:4/25/2020 2:44:04 AM
[Comedy] @donni Things will be fine, eventually, in thousands of years, for rocks Published:4/24/2020 7:31:40 AM
[Comedy] /s

Indicates the presence of sarcasm.

Man, I wish George Bush could take another 4 years, especially after his work on torture- who'd have thought such a fair and moral decision could have been made?

/s

Published:4/24/2020 2:30:02 AM
[Comedy] ‘The Incredibles’ director Brad Bird picks what to watch in isolation Here's how the new Turner Classic Movies "Essentials" guest — the man behind "The Incredibles" and "Ratatouille" — has been influenced by Hitchcock, '50s sci-fi and James Bond. Published:4/23/2020 5:32:50 AM
[Comedy] Half Sender

Someone who does not commit to a full send for the boys and are generally pussies when it comes to some savage shit.

Don't trust that nigga eddy, he's a fucking half sender.

Published:4/23/2020 2:24:49 AM
[Comedy] @VeryFineHat Hey sharks I won’t take up too much of your time, my idea is baby carrots that aren’t soaking wet Published:4/22/2020 1:00:07 PM
[Comedy] Covid-38

A person who has been unlucky enough to contract the covid-19 virus twice.

Dude 1. I feel like shit. This is the second time I've contracted the coronavirus.

Dude 2. I feel for you bro. It's tough being a covid-38.

Published:4/22/2020 1:00:07 PM
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