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Comedy


[Comedy] @robfromonline crazy how before dating apps the only way to meet someone was to bump headfirst into them while carrying a huge stack of important papers Published:1/19/2020 6:47:27 PM
[Comedy] Drip

When your bling is iced out but that shit melting from all your hot bars, you got the drip.

Just another word for immense swag.

Guy 1:"Yo, that new rapper got the drip."
Guy 2: "For real yo, he drippin."

Published:1/19/2020 2:12:43 AM
[Comedy] plant mom

mother of plants. someone who owns a significant number of plants and care for them deeply, these plants are usually kept inside to be close to their surrogate mother.

person 1: 'that person sure likes plants'
person 2:'yeh . she's a plant mom'

Published:1/18/2020 2:12:17 AM
[Comedy] Mad Oh

(Originating from the streets of Lagos, Nigeria) An expression of surprise, shock or astonishment often caused by something unexpected or mind blowing. It can be used as an adjective in some cases.

Mad oh is very dynamic hence, it is also a valid /sarcastic reply to any statement whatsoever. In cases where you are tired of a conversation, mad oh will do a lot of good because of its conversation terminating abilities.

You got A in that test? Mad Oh!

This movie is gonna be Mad Oh!

Boy: I think I'm in love with you
Girl: Mad Oh!

Published:1/17/2020 2:01:55 AM
[Comedy] @louvregguk normal person: 9+7=16 me: if 10+7 is 17 and 9 is one less than 10 then 9+7 must be 16 Published:1/16/2020 11:13:16 AM
[Comedy] celebrity hall pass

Permission given by your significant other to go on a date/sleep with a particular celebrity.

Girl: When I met Zac Efron and he asked me out, I was so glad he was my celebrity hall pass!

Girl 2: No way, your husband said it was okay?!
Girl: Yeah, he said if I ever got the chance, I could sleep with him!

Published:1/16/2020 2:21:01 AM
[Comedy] Published:1/15/2020 10:20:01 AM
[Comedy] Scumbro

An evolution of normcore. The scumbro is a hypebeast who wears streetwear brands like Supreme and Adidas but also Vermont mom brands like REI and Patagonia...and may even sneak in some Gucci. The word, or at least this definition, was most likely coined by Vanity Fair's Kenzie Briant in the article "Pete Davidson and the Rise of the Sumbro" in July 2018. As Briant explains, the scumbro's look is ALMOST ironic and looks dumpster-dive cheap but is actually expensive and very intentional. The world has been populated by scumbros at the hands of designers like Demna Gvasalia and Virgil Abloh. Classic Scumbros include Shia Labeouf, Pete Davidson, Justin Bieber, and Jonah Hill.

Pete Davidson is wearing Crocs with a Supreme sweatshirt again. What a scumbro.

Published:1/15/2020 2:15:12 AM
[Comedy] heebie jeebies

A feeling of minor fright, anxiety, nervousness, apprehension, "the willies", phobic

That spider crawling on my neck gave me the heebie jeebies

Published:1/14/2020 2:10:03 AM
[Comedy] @saaamscottt6 almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday Published:1/13/2020 9:37:06 PM
[Comedy] ‘Joker,’ explained: How the movie went from divisive debut to Oscars darling The Joaquin Phoenix movie earned 11 Academy Award nominations Monday, distancing itself from the doubters. Published:1/13/2020 9:37:05 PM
[Comedy] gone hollywood

When a person who has "made it" decides its necessary to reject his/her past because he/she is deemed "too good" for it now.

Usually characterized by trading in old friends for new friends, even though your old friends were always there for you before you made it big, distancing yourself from your roots, and turning into a conceited douchebag.

Ever since my best friend made it to the NFL he has gone hollywood, he changed his phone number and I haven't talked to him in nearly 6 months.

Published:1/13/2020 5:20:46 AM
[Comedy] Zoomer

Refers to members of Generation Z and is a play on the term "Boomer," which refers to members of the Baby Boomer generation. The term Zoomer is also in reference to the fast-paced upbringings members of Generation Z are characterized to have due to the fast advances in technology and culture that has been happening around them as a result of the interconnectivity of the American and Global populations because of the ubiquity of internet-connected smart phones and social media.

"I can't stand those Zoomers, all they do is use their phones all day to play Fortnite and watch TikTok videos!"

Published:1/12/2020 11:41:11 AM
[Comedy] Chancla

The deadliest weapon known to a Latin kid; a flying slipper/ flip-flop.

My mom hit me with a chancla.

Published:1/11/2020 7:45:56 PM
[Comedy] @AbbyHasIssues Things I thought I would have as an adult: a thriving career, an amazing social life, an impressive retirement account. Things I actually have as an adult: a plastic bag filled with plastic bags, a favorite spatula, crippling anxiety. Published:1/11/2020 12:56:51 AM
[Comedy] well actually

The battle cry of the mansplainer. See also: "to be fair" and "not all"

Well actually, to be fair, not all men do that.

Published:1/11/2020 12:56:51 AM
[Comedy] ‘Lonely Mountains: Downhill’: A tranquil and exhilarating ride The game is a beautiful marriage of aesthetics and gameplay. It has the makings of a minor classic. Published:1/11/2020 12:56:51 AM
[Comedy] @mintchocolatina why do essay conclusions exist, i said what i said scroll up !!!! Published:1/9/2020 4:11:56 PM
[Comedy] wag the dog

to cause a persuasive movement in any large body of influence, i.e., a mass of people, through means by which a lesser influence is utilized.

From the phrase, 'It's the tail that wags the dog.' This can be seen when a dog begins to wag it's tail, and it's body then follows.

in partisan politics, an unpopular party will wag the dog using a variety of provocative political manoeverings and machinations to undermine the public favour from the popular party, out of which a momentum can be borne.

Published:1/9/2020 2:10:22 AM
[Comedy] iykyk

If You Know You Know

Last nights party was crazy #iykyk

Published:1/8/2020 4:02:21 AM
[Comedy] @Lee_Carrie Can’t stand a Chipotle worker who gotta scream “extra chicken” down the line. How does it feel being the feds? Published:1/7/2020 9:24:04 PM
[Comedy] Scomo

A person in charge who leaves things to others when a difficult or emergency situation arises.

Shit was going really tits up at work this week so I Scomo’d off to a tropical island for some R&R and let someone else sort it out.

Published:1/7/2020 8:49:47 AM
[Comedy] Kahoot

A review game that American public school kids take way too goddamn seriously, despite that the review part is useless and everybody usually fails the test anyway.

We're doing Kahoot in class today, man. I gotta come up with some cool af nickname, and then I'll kick your ass.

Published:1/6/2020 2:25:25 AM
[Comedy] Vibe Check

A spontaneous and usually random time where someone checks your vibe. A vibe check should usually be a pleasant experience where the person being checked is vibin.

John: Hey Jack! Vibe Check
Jack: Gang Gang vro just chillin my guy!

Published:1/5/2020 2:13:17 AM
[Comedy] Ouf

The typical onomatopoeic reaction of boys when they unexpectedly run into the prettiest girl in school. The term originates from the manga/anime "Saiki Kusuo no Psi-nan" , where all the male characters (except Kusuo) would go "Ouf!" when face to face with female character Teruhashi Kokomi.

Ouf! Te...Terushashi ...san...!

Published:1/4/2020 2:42:59 AM
[Comedy] ‘Mosaic’: Terrible days at work, one after another A game that punctures a hole in the noxious ideology that work gives meaning to our lives. Published:1/3/2020 10:33:06 AM
[Comedy] Virtue Signalling

To take a conspicuous but essentially useless action ostensibly to support a good cause but actually to show off how much more moral you are than everybody else.

Fred: I see George has changed his profile picture to show his support for refugees.
Barbara: Has he donated money or time? Is he giving English lessons? Is he making a room available?
Fred: No, no, he's just virtue signalling.

Published:1/3/2020 2:31:09 AM
[Comedy] @joshgondelman 10pm at your parents’ house as an adult feels like 3am at your own apartment. Published:1/2/2020 7:57:29 AM
[Comedy] resolutionary

People who join a gym after the New Year, only to quit going within 3 months.

I couldn't find a free treadmill, the place was crawling with resolutionarys.

Published:1/1/2020 2:19:02 AM
[Comedy] Many Star Wars fans are upset the new movie sidelines Kelly Marie Tran’s character. The writer is trying to explain. Writer Chris Terrio has responded to the controversy in interviews, pointing to issues over cut scenes between Rose Tico (Tran) and Leia (Carrie Fisher). Published:12/31/2019 1:16:41 PM
[Comedy] hedgehog's dilemma

The phrase hedgehog's dilemma refers to the notion that:

(1) The closer two beings come to one another in a relationship, the more likely it might be for them to inflict psychological pain on each other
(2) Yet if they remain apart, they each might feel the roughly-equivalent (psychological) pain of loneliness.

This notion comes from the conjecture that hedgehogs, with sharp spines on their backs, might hurt each other if they get too close. It is a character trait believed to be possessed by some individuals, in real life as well as in works of fiction, sometimes causing anti-social behaviours, often allegedly caused by an unpleasant past experience of intimate relationships. A person who suffers from the hedgehog's dilemma will usually avoid becoming too close or involved with someone, due to fear of another similar, possibly painful, experience, such as they had experienced in the past.

Porcupines are a better example of the hedgehog's dilemma due to their commonly known dangerously sharp spines. As you can imagine, getting too close to them will provoke them and might force a few spines in you in self defense.

Published:12/31/2019 2:14:12 AM
[Comedy] @curlycomedy What if cheesecake tasted like nothing and was stuffed into a stale ice cream cone?? - the inventor of cannolis Published:12/30/2019 12:43:31 PM
[Comedy] It’s clipped

It’s clipped means that the situation being described is completely hopeless. it’s done, over, clipped.

“you still talking to Nick?”
“nahhh, he cheated. it’s clipped”

Published:12/30/2019 2:43:09 AM
[Comedy] yikers

An expression of shock, surprise or disgust. Derived from the word yikes It is the gen y way of expressing yikes

yikers u freaked me out

Published:12/29/2019 9:52:18 PM
[Comedy] shock site

A website used with the express purpose of startling the living crap out of anyone you link it to. Examples include tubgirl, lemonparty, and goatse.

Watch out for that link. It redirects to some shock site I've never seen before.

Published:12/28/2019 7:19:54 AM
[Comedy] run me my money

Run me my money means, give me my money now or else.

You late on your payments, run me my money {son}!

Published:12/27/2019 11:14:57 AM
[Comedy] @karencheee There’s always ONE crazy one in the bunch!!! (This tweet is about stovetop burners) Published:12/26/2019 5:08:20 AM
[Comedy] Browareness

bro-ware-ness

To impart personal knowledge of a situation to a fellow bro that should inform him to his benefit.

"Dude, I'd watch out for that chick. She was born with the psycho gene."

"No way, I had no idea. Thanks for the browareness, man..."

Published:12/26/2019 2:08:21 AM
[Comedy] Present Face

The face you make when you get a really terrible present but don't want to hurt anybodies feelings.

I could tell martha hated the chess set i got her, you could see that present face from a mile away.

Published:12/25/2019 2:30:56 AM
[Comedy] Why Keri Russell leaped at the chance to join J.J. Abrams’s ‘Rise of Skywalker’ The "Americans" actress dived into the change of place to play "hidden" spice smuggler Zorii Bliss. Published:12/24/2019 6:28:22 AM
[Comedy] powerbomb

A wrestling move in which one person lifts the other onto his shoulders, then slams him down on his back and neck.

Holy shit, he just powerbombed him through a table

Published:12/24/2019 2:27:30 AM
[Comedy] BAMF

Bad ass mother fucker

Man,Davis you are a BAMF and Martain you suck.

Published:12/23/2019 2:18:37 AM
[Comedy] @brainwxrms “high school sweethearts?” u mean u took each other’s virginity and stupidly went to the same college together so now u feel stuck and ur so terrified of change that you’ll never break up even though the love has been gone for years Published:12/22/2019 3:46:50 PM
[Comedy] wayament

Abbreviation for "Wait a Minuete"

When she saw his package she was like WAYAMENT it's that big

Published:12/22/2019 2:13:37 AM
[Comedy] impleggies

Another word for Implants.

Will. I. Am (Mir. I. Am in Ew music video): now Sally's gonna get impleggies.
Jimmy Fallon (Sara, in Ew music video): what are impleggies?
Will. I. Am: Implants, silly!

Published:12/21/2019 2:09:25 AM
[Comedy] How J.J. Abrams took on the ‘daunting’ task of wrapping up Star Wars Skywalker saga Seeing the first Star Wars in 1977 changed the director's life. He wants viewers to be similarly moved by "Rise of the Skywalker." Published:12/20/2019 5:31:50 AM
[Comedy] Baby Yoda

The reincarnation of Jesus. He flies around in a white chariot blessing pure memes to those who deserve it. He's also the literal fucking cutest thing in existence no cap.

"Tell me Chad, who died for our sins?"
"Baby Yoda."

Published:12/20/2019 2:01:26 AM
[Comedy] The secrets to creating an irresistible Star Wars creature, from Chewie to Baby Yoda As “The Rise of Skywalker” opens, here's a look back at how the series created so many memorable ones. Published:12/19/2019 5:27:13 AM
[Comedy] you're fired

Shows that your services are no longer required; the catch-phrase of Donald Trump from "The Apprentice."

Donald Trump wants to trademark this phrase; talk about slick marketing.

Published:12/19/2019 2:26:20 AM
[Comedy] Impeach the Motherfucker

The widely popular saying that is written on just one of the many anti-45 tee-shirts out there.

Walking into the tee-shirt outlet I said, “Impeach the Motherfucker” and was immediately directed to the busy section where these tee-shirts were located.

Published:12/18/2019 2:19:27 AM
[Comedy] @manster_mash I saw a girl post her Spotify top artists on her Instagram story with the caption “so accurate”. Like yeah it’s accurate... it’s literally data Published:12/17/2019 11:45:26 AM
[Comedy] brake check

While driving, hitting your brakes really hard to scare the crap out of the jerk driving two inches from your rear bumper.

Checking to make sure they have enough time to brake without rear-ending you (pissing them off).

This guy is driving way too close to my rear bumper, time to brake check him.

Published:12/17/2019 2:14:28 AM
[Comedy] ‘Watchmen’ was the boldest, blackest superhero story ever told on-screen. But what comes next? The black comics audience should be more demanding after seeing what the HBO series accomplished. Published:12/16/2019 4:49:51 PM
[Comedy] Band-me-down

a musical act once loved by you, now loved by your kid; a musical act once loved by your parent, now loved by you.

“My dad was thrilled to give me the band-me-down of LED Zepellin..”

Published:12/13/2019 2:19:11 AM
[Comedy] The lastest in a series notably attuned to human shortcomings, ’Life is Strange 2’ will stay with you for a while The game doesn’t celebrate winners but those who persevere and endure. Published:12/12/2019 10:45:02 AM
[Comedy] Thirst Trap

Any statement or picture used to intentionally create attention or "thirst"

Woman on Twitter: Who wants to come over and put me to sleep? (Thirst Trap)

Men on Twitter: Oh? Check Ur DMs

Published:12/12/2019 2:15:29 AM
[Comedy] puppy pile

A large pile of people of mixed sexes, cuddling and or heavy petting each other, usually with clothes on, but sometimes without. Not an orgy, usually done only by people who love and/or trust each other. Not always sexual, sometimes just a physical expression of love or endearment amongst multiple participants.

Originates from the carefree innocent love and romping play that puppies indulge in before they "know better."

So Sam and Lisa were in the corner cuddling when Sarah, Mike, John, and Tanya all joined in and it turned into a real puppy pile.

Published:12/11/2019 2:08:00 AM
[Comedy] @ohJuliatweets My dad is drinking a to-go cup of clam chowder while driving like it’s a latte I am horrified and folks I’m back in Massachusetts Published:12/10/2019 12:06:16 PM
[Comedy] Rest Easy

Rest in peace meaning gone to soon

Rest easy Speaker Knockerz gone to soon

Published:12/10/2019 2:32:10 AM
[Comedy] urban dictionaried it

What your mother did to find out what you meant.

I had to ask Jackie what FOMO meant.
I just urban dictionaried it.

Published:12/9/2019 2:27:22 AM
[Comedy] My boi

A great friend but you want to sound cool or you don't want to say his name. So you just yell that my boi, it also has become popular and many YouTubers have shirts that have that's my boi printed on it.

Guy 1: "That my boi "

Guy 2: "You already know"

"What that guy's name again," thinks guy 1

"His name is so long Iand hard to pronounce and I am never, trying to say it again," thinks guy 2.

Published:12/8/2019 2:22:01 AM
[Comedy] catstep

A recent sub-genre branch off of filthstep, with a more aggressive style and typically softer notes. People group some Monstercat songs into this genre, as there is "cat" in their name.

Have you heard that new catstep tune released a little while ago?

Published:12/7/2019 2:16:36 AM
[Comedy] How cartoonists are satirizing the Trump impeachment hearings to ‘keep us sane’ Pulitzer-winning cartoonists use humor to peer behind all the political posturing. Published:12/6/2019 9:40:07 AM
[Comedy] Coercion

A lame way to get people or a person to side with you hence, be their bitch.

Rich people tend to use coercion to change unknowing peoples opinion to be their friend. Actually all they are doing is using others.

Published:12/6/2019 2:08:08 AM
[Comedy] Bribe

Anything given or serving to persuade or induce.

Corporations are shelling out huge bribes to politicians in the form of 'campaign financing,' however, calling a bribe by any other name is still a bribe.

Published:12/5/2019 2:32:49 AM
[Comedy] Peen

1. Derivitive of the word penis.

There was an intoxicated man dancing on the train with no pants on, his peen was flopping around everywhere!

Published:12/4/2019 2:26:24 AM
[Comedy] Extra Large

The best size on ANYTHING. Bigger is better.

Extra Large is the best size imaginable. Bigger is better. If you have extra large clothing, you’re going to get a lot of attraction.

Published:12/3/2019 2:22:33 AM
[Comedy] @mimithemama a girl from my due date group on fb is having a c-section on december 25th and wants to name her daughter “krissmiss dae”... she asked for opinions or other holiday name ideas and i suggested noelle or ivy... and she replied “eh idk those are kinda w Published:12/2/2019 11:47:37 AM
[Comedy] cyber

sex online

i lost my virginity by cybering!

Published:12/2/2019 2:14:45 AM
[Comedy] @Eden_Eats Nothing makes me more drunk with millennial power than helping boomers turn off the flashlight on their phone. Published:11/26/2019 10:12:17 AM
[Comedy] dance on the blacktop

To get stabbed, shanked or to stab someone (mostly referred in prison).

Im about to dance on the blacktop.
That boy got danced on the blacktop.

Published:11/20/2019 2:03:17 AM
[Comedy] @CornOnTheGoblin [whispers to guy sitting next to me in church] are you gonna finish your body of christ Published:11/19/2019 6:29:11 AM
[Comedy] Buddyfucker

One who will do anything to further his own personal interests without regard for the impact his actions will have on the interests of his "friends" or colleagues. Buddyfuckers cannot be trusted to "do the right thing" and have no regard for abstract principles such as ethics or morals.
This title is used frequently in the U.S. Naval Aviation community. When speaking discreetly, Aviators may say "buddy is only half of a word."

I can't believe Brad tried to steal my job just so he could get a bonus; he is such a buddyfucker!

I can't believe Brad tried to steal my job just so he could get a bonus; to him, buddy is only half of a word.

Published:11/19/2019 2:27:01 AM
[Comedy] @leafyIeah millenials b like: terrible service. 5 stars and 20% tip so this idiot can pay their bills Published:11/18/2019 8:23:12 AM
[Comedy] dry season

As opposed to "wet season" Aperiod of sexual drought

No sex for quite some time.

Published:11/18/2019 2:21:42 AM
[Comedy] @holy_schnitt 10:30pm on friday night absolutely posted in bed with a candle lit I rly truly envy 14th century bitches who died long before they reached 23 I am so tired Published:11/17/2019 5:15:45 AM
[Comedy] Throuple

A threesome couple

Betty, Carol and and Carl were so in love, they are such a lovely throuple.

Published:11/17/2019 2:15:06 AM
[Comedy] How political cartoonists deal — and thrive — with live coverage of the impeachment hearings Pulitzer-winning editorial artists aim to find deadline satire in the televised inquiry. Published:11/14/2019 1:36:37 PM
[Comedy] ‘Far Sector’ introduces DC’s newest Green Lantern in an Afro-futuristic murder mystery Written by N.K. Jemisin and illustrated by Jamal Campbell, the comic book's superhero is breaking barriers in secret. Published:11/13/2019 4:50:36 PM
[Comedy] @Lisabug74 *smells jar of peanut butter like a wine connoisseur* Published:11/12/2019 5:16:49 AM
[Comedy] Do it for the vine

When someone has a sort of special talent or party trick, and you ask them to do it so you can capture it on camera.

Person 1: I can’t do it right now, man.
Person 2: Come on dude, do it for the vine!

Published:11/11/2019 2:40:18 AM
[Comedy] Dead that tune

To stop the constant chatting that makes no sense or lower your tone. It doesn’t have to relate to music.

You need to dead that tune

Published:11/10/2019 2:35:05 AM
[Comedy] Fathernal Twins

Two Children born in the same Year with the Same Father but Different Mothers.

Guy: Hey , I didn't know you had a twin.
Friend: Yea, we're Fathernal twins, we're born in

the same year with same Dad,

different Moms.
GUY: What, like on ya Father's Side!?
Friend: You could say that.....poppa was a playa!

Published:11/9/2019 4:01:52 PM
[Comedy] ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ showed us how to get along with people we don’t understand Dr. Seuss used only 50 words to write the book. Now it's an entire Netflix TV series. Published:11/9/2019 4:01:52 PM
[Comedy] 5 AM

A sign that it's time to go to bed. Goodnight.

Ah, jeez, 5 AM already? I'm outta here.

Published:11/8/2019 8:48:57 PM
[Comedy] Fucky Wucky

The act of making a really big mistake, fucking up big time

Uwu we're sowwy, we made a Fucky Wucky, oopsie~

Published:11/7/2019 2:19:48 AM
[Comedy] @MarcSnetiker Imagine an e-mail finding you well Published:11/7/2019 1:18:13 AM
[Comedy] Superman’s secret identity won’t be secret any more Clark Kent won't be needed those non-prescription glasses. Published:11/6/2019 10:15:52 AM
[Comedy] left and right

A colorful term used in place of "everywhere", "all around", "all over" or "a plethora"; i.e. a lot.

I went fishing yesterday and nailled bass left and right.

Last night there were hotties in the club left and right.

I was in a highway pile up and was hit left and right.

We had a picnic on the beach and the seagulls were swarming us left and right.

Published:11/6/2019 2:42:02 AM
[Comedy] Anakin’s Paradox

When the action of one’s doing to prevent something ends up being the catalyst for its occurrence. For example, if I set out to save a fish, and my attempt to save the fish ends up getting the fish killed, then this is Anakin’s Paradox.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith really showcases Anakin’s Paradox.

Published:11/5/2019 2:04:03 AM
[Comedy] bust a grumpy

To have to go number 2.
To poop.
To make naughty water.

Brennen had to go bust a grumpy, becuase he'd tried to move and built up enough bodily waste to kill an elephant.

Published:11/2/2019 2:15:05 AM
[Comedy] Eye-catching cartoons that show Pelosi gaining the upper hand on impeachment Are U.S. cartoonists less divided than Americans over impeachment? Published:11/1/2019 10:41:25 AM
[Comedy] November 1

National "Invent Your Own Dumbass Holiday on Urban Dictionary Day"

Hey everybody, it's November 1! Let's see what dumbass holiday the Urban Dictionary people post as their Word of the Day for November 1 today!

Published:11/1/2019 2:41:16 AM
[Comedy] @PayMeInTacos Rent should be due every 90 days, every 30 is dramatic. Let’s riot. Published:10/31/2019 10:46:57 AM
[Comedy] He wrote a graphic novel about losing his home to a wildfire. Now Kincade is threatening it again. Eisner-winning cartoonist Brian Fies faces down another fire two years after losing his Northern California home. "I'm mostly numb," he says. Published:10/31/2019 10:46:57 AM
[Comedy] halloween belly

An upset stomach due to the consumption of large quantities of something sweet.

Dude! I had one to many smirnoff ice. I got the halloween belly now.

Published:10/31/2019 10:46:56 AM
[Comedy] October 30

National give a girl your sweatshirt day. It’s the day before halloween and probably will be cold so be a bro and give it to them

Mary is cold and it’s October 30 you better have brought an extra sweatshirt because you have to give it to her.

Published:10/30/2019 5:51:57 AM
[Comedy] October 29

confess to your crush day !
shoot your shot good luck <33

girl : hey Kai since it’s October 29 what better time to say this
boy : say what ?
girl : I like you
boy : oh I didn’t know you felt the same way , I like you too

Published:10/29/2019 2:52:07 AM
[Comedy] October 27

October 27 is national tell your crush you have feelings for them day.

Girl 1: today is October 27 should I tell my crush I like him?
Girl 2: yes totally, today is the day!

Published:10/27/2019 2:42:27 AM
[Comedy] Five great comics that Martin Scorsese might actually enjoy adapting into ‘cinema’ The director of "The Irishman" has criticized "comic book movies," but these titles show that such adaptations might be a perfect fit for him. Published:10/25/2019 6:30:30 AM
[Comedy] @aparnapkin any time i update my phone or computer, it feels like we’re on a couples’ retreat & have to relearn how to love each other again Published:10/24/2019 5:52:16 AM
[Comedy] october 24

National no clothes day. Don’t wear anything, even if your outside.

Person 1: what are you wearing tomorrow?
Person 2: nothing! It’s October 24th!

Published:10/24/2019 2:21:19 AM
[Comedy] October 23

The birthday of the bhaddest chick you will ever meet. Wife that girl up she a dime.

That girl Jordan’s bday is october 23

Published:10/23/2019 2:46:46 AM
[Comedy] October 22

National Hug and hold hands day with yo BF or GF

Boy: it's October 22
Girl: ok
Boy: give me your hand
*holds hand*
Girl: Aww
*blushes*
*and give her a hug*

Published:10/22/2019 2:09:24 AM
[Comedy] October 21

National toe sucking day

Bro it’s October 21st let’s do suck some toes

Published:10/21/2019 2:33:00 AM
[Comedy] October 20

National skip school/ work day. On this day you can skip whatever you like and not get in trouble for it

Person 1: Hey tomorrow is October 20th you know what that means...

Person 2: yep, I’ll be sleeping all day cause I’m skipping everything

Published:10/20/2019 2:30:36 AM
[Comedy] October 19

National confess your love day ;) The only day you can confess your feelings to that one person. Don’t be shy ??

On October 19 my life changed forever...Nicole really did have a fat crush on me.

Published:10/19/2019 4:51:29 AM
[Comedy] October 18

A day where you will either:

Kiss your crush/bf/gf
Slap someone’s ass
Ask your crush out
All of the above

On October 18 watch out for all of the following.

Published:10/18/2019 2:16:06 AM
[Comedy] @clhubes All I want for my birthday is my husband to take me to a remote tropical island where we can lie on the beach for 2 days completely uninterrupted ...and then on the third day a mysterious heiress is murdered in the lobby and oh no all the guests are Published:10/17/2019 8:40:37 AM
[Comedy] october 17

national girl hug a boy day ,, girls get to hug any boy they want :)

"Nation Girl Hug a Boy day is October 17!"

Published:10/17/2019 2:07:45 AM
[Comedy] snopes

This word can be used as a verb to indicate checking the validity of a suspect story. It is derived from the online urban legend reference site: www.snopes.com.

That sounds fake. You should snopes it.

Also

She told me a story about a friend of a sorority sister who had a huge pimple that eventually exploded hundreds of baby spiders on her face, but I snopesed it, and that story is just an urban legend.

Published:10/16/2019 2:05:12 AM
[Comedy] @cavaticat me: I’m hungry fridge: great news, I’m full of foods you selected me: no, not like that Published:10/15/2019 4:29:26 AM
[Comedy] hell joint

A joint that is wrapped with bible page/pages

Jake: Look at this joint bro
Jack: Woah bro is that a hell joint

Jake: Yeah Bro
Jack: Dude your going to hell!

5mins in
Jake: Give it here
Jack: One sec let me just get to this paragrapgh

Published:10/15/2019 2:27:03 AM
[Comedy] @MavenofHonor It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when you’re looking at your phone next to someone who’s sleeping, you will inadvertently click on a video Published:10/14/2019 5:51:46 AM
[Comedy] trumpian treasure trove

The recently released texts exchanged between the US government and the Ukrainian representative that exposes government-backed extortionists doing their high-powered criminal thing.

It’s a trumpian treasure trove that will lead straight to draining the US government swamp!

Published:10/14/2019 2:20:44 AM
[Comedy] ‘Concrete Genie’: A kid’s game about the agonies of bullying and the joys of art The game's appreciation for creativity and off-beat gameplay make it easy to recommend to parents looking for something for elementary or middle school kids. Published:10/13/2019 11:19:51 AM
[Comedy] LMFNO

An abbreviated form for the phrase, “Laughing My Fucking Nipples Off.” Its purpose is to create a more expressive illustration of great laughter or amusement, similar to LMFAO (which means, "Laughing My Fucking Ass Off.") The term is commonly used on the Internet, online and conversations across gaming/chat rooms or texting.

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.
Girl: LMFNO!

Published:10/13/2019 2:16:19 AM
[Comedy] blyat

Fuck in Russian

(Around children)
Me: (stubs toe) Blyat!
Child: what does blyat mean?
Me: Oh it’s just a word I made up whenever I’m in pain

Published:10/12/2019 2:09:54 AM
[Comedy] Kislyaknesia

A partial or total loss of memory that mysteriously occurs after people associated with the Trump administration have meetings with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak, Ukrainian oligarch and politician, Viktor Medvedchuk, Chairman of Russian state-run bank VEB, Sergey Gorkov or anyone else with ties to Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions appeared to be suffering from Kislyaknesia by saying 35 times before the Senate Intelligence Committee either "I don't recall", "I don't recollect", "I don't remember" or "I have no recollection" when asked if he met with any Russian officials or Russian nationals before January 20th.

Before his memory miraculously returned Michael Flynn claimed he had Kislyaknesia when questioned about his contact with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak.

Published:10/11/2019 2:36:04 AM
[Comedy] Difficult difficult lemon difficult

The awkwardly worded antonym to 'Easy peasy lemon squeezy' meant to express that something was very difficultly done.

"That claims process was difficult difficult lemon difficult"

Published:10/10/2019 2:28:58 AM
[Comedy] @AbbyHasIssues I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 15 minutes over time. Published:10/9/2019 8:52:30 AM
[Comedy] I’m thinkin’ uh, fuck that

When someone asks you to do something and you don’t want to do it, you say this phrase.

You goin’ golfing er what?

Nah, I’m thinkin’ uh, fuck that.

Published:10/9/2019 2:21:11 AM
[Comedy] ‘Joker’s’ huge box office weekend shows the appeal of edgy comic-book movies The Joaquin Phoenix film had the biggest domestic October opening ever. Published:10/7/2019 11:12:59 AM
[Comedy] secure the bag

An expression use to describe the act of taking/obtaining advantage of the situation and keep something of value.

1. Play your cards right and secure the bag.
2. Be an intern and work full-time hours. That's how you secure the bag.
3. I cut him/her off but I secured the bag.
4. Friend 1: He/she said he/she wants to make it up to me.

Friend 2: There's your chance to secure the bag.

Published:10/7/2019 2:09:41 AM
[Comedy] Ruby Rose knows Batwoman is a step forward for LGBTQ superheroes — but she’s more interested in how she saves the day The Australian actress stars as Gotham City's newest caped crusader on the CW. Published:10/6/2019 8:05:25 AM
[Comedy] voice crack

when you or someone talks and their voice makes a funny noise all of a sudden

comes from mostly when youre in puberty

fat: oh ya that was hella tight
chubby: yeah when he went up the drive-way and then *h00weeeee3* did that cool trick
extralarge: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH VOICE CRACK

Published:10/5/2019 2:27:44 AM
[Comedy] ’Neo Cab’: Video game noir at its best Mercurial characters? Check. Moral compromises? Check. Emotionally nuanced endings? Check. Published:10/4/2019 8:03:09 AM
[Comedy] Stream sniping

Stream sniping is when someone watches your stream to get an upper hand to essentially cheat against you in a game. For example, they could find your position on an open-world map, find out where your base is, or even find out when you're low on health, so they can ambush you. It sucks. The deveopers of Rust, Facepunch Studios... are (to my knowledge), the first game developers to build a preventative measure against it into their game. They call it Streamer Mode.

Hey, its Edward Longface again! Ahhhh!!! Why did he shoot at me?! He probably knew my plan. He must be stream sniping!

Published:10/4/2019 2:21:15 AM
[Comedy] @samlymatters As an open mic comic I spent so much time fantasizing about “shutting down a heckler” & tonight during my set a guy finally yelled “when does the comedy start?!” & I couldn’t think of anything clever so I just said “about an hour ago you fuck Published:10/3/2019 8:47:30 AM
[Comedy] Weinsteined

Forced into a non-consensual act for fear of losing your career. Often involving erotic massage in a hotel room with a media mogul

She refused to be weinsteined so her career went down the tubes

Published:10/3/2019 2:15:27 AM
[Comedy] Our definitive ranking of the Jokers, from Jack Nicholson to Joaquin Phoenix As the new "Joker" movie comes out this week, here's how Phoenix compares to Heath Ledger, Jared Leto and the rest. Published:10/2/2019 10:50:27 AM
[Comedy] that’s a mood

when someone does something (normally to mimic another) and is very relatable

Jeff: *falls asleep in class*
Lucy: “That’s a mood!”

Published:10/2/2019 2:11:21 AM
[Comedy] heart eyes

when you stare at someone fondly and people who doesnt know your relationship can tell that you are attracted to her/him

random person: ah, are you two dating?
jim: no, why do you ask that?
random person: because you were looking at her with heart eyes!

Published:10/1/2019 2:36:07 AM
[Comedy] No-J

someone who didn't do it, but is being pronounced guilty anyway. He is the opposite of OJ, who did it, but got off scott free.

That No-J was convicted of killing his family. But I think someone just snuck in and killed them while he slept. If you just killed your family, could you just go back to sleep?
-----
Jane needs to let her No-J boyfriend off the hook. Just because he has a hot co-worker doesn't mean they're doing it.

Published:9/30/2019 2:28:28 AM
[Comedy] they/them

they/them are pronouns typically used for people who identify as gender-nuetral

they go by they/them pronouns

oh Alex? they're over there

Published:9/29/2019 2:29:04 AM
[Comedy] Bronoun

Words used by bros to replace standard noun forms. Such as "Bro", "Dude", "Man", "Guy", and occasionally "Cuz".

"Bro, try this PJ"
"Bro, I love you Man"
"Dude was all over that shit"
"Guy, want some food Bro?"

All of these are Bronouns.

Published:9/28/2019 2:17:46 AM
[Comedy] @gothshakira every day men leave their homes with no bag, no water bottle, no lip balm, no hand sanitizer, no extra layer in case they get cold, just keys and a wallet shoved into their pocket. chaotic and reckless Published:9/27/2019 4:15:26 PM
[Comedy] sapiophobic

Someone who is scared of intelligent people, perhaps because they are stupid.

Me: Dude check out what this chick wrote in her tinder bio!

Friend: 'I'm sapiophobic'

What the f*ck is that!

Published:9/27/2019 2:11:02 AM
[Comedy] Kevin Feige could be the biggest thing to happen to Star Wars since Darth Vader The Marvel Studios mastermind is about to enter a galaxy that is far, far away. Published:9/26/2019 11:07:42 AM
[Comedy] the life

A catch-all term used to refer to life as a criminal; "the life" outside of the law.

"You're really thinking about quitting?"
"The life? Most definitely."

Vincent to Jules in Pulp Fiction

Published:9/26/2019 2:32:50 AM
[Comedy] @LizHackett Doing a low-budget but equally spiritually fulfilling version of Eat, Pray, Love entitled Gas Station, CVS, Return A Dress To Macy's. Published:9/25/2019 12:03:36 PM
[Comedy] feed him

To shoot , pull up , or kill someone

I don’t like the way he thinks he runs the streets , Ima feed him .

Published:9/25/2019 2:27:40 AM
[Comedy] dry snitching

Intentionally getting someone in trouble by outting something they've done wrong while trying to keep it sly.

*You return to work from lunch with the boss right there*
Coworker to you: "I didn't know we had two hour lunches!"
You later: ??

Dry snitching.

Published:9/24/2019 2:59:08 AM
[Comedy] Full send

V. 100% commitment to doing some heinous shit. Commonly used among skiiers/snowboarders.

I'm about to hit this cliff full send bro. Is the camera rolling?

Published:9/23/2019 7:31:33 AM
[Comedy] Sunday scaries

The feeling of dread knowing that Monday is going to be rough.

I'm suffering from Sunday scaries!

Published:9/22/2019 2:09:16 AM
[Comedy] Identity Politics

A political dog whistle term used by white people and white allies when they get called out on their white supremacist acts.

Yhe Left engages the Black vote what a disgusting display of “identity politics.”

Published:9/21/2019 2:32:32 AM
[Comedy] @ayoedebiri might fuck around and get white and conventionally attractive and brand my mental breakdowns as monetizable content and create a cult of personality around me who will call it art to my face so much that I lose sense of reality Published:9/20/2019 1:59:41 PM
[Comedy] @christineexists tinder but it’s cats. everyone makes their cat a profile. the swiping doesn’t matter. U just. Look at cats and their interests and then look at MORE CATS Published:9/20/2019 1:33:17 PM
[Comedy] ’The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening’: A first-class makeover for a classic game It's Zelda the way you’d like to remember it. Published:9/20/2019 8:27:24 AM
[Comedy] nothing is sacred

A phrase commonly used when something respectable is fucked up, or something innocent has been made disgusting.

"Apparently people make porn of the new Sonic movie"
"Damn, nothing is sacred."

Published:9/19/2019 2:19:55 AM
[Comedy] From ‘The Boondocks’ to ‘The Far Side,’ beloved ’90s comics are springing back to life "The Boondocks" will be "reimagined" and "The Far Side" teases its return. Published:9/18/2019 3:18:23 PM
[Comedy] mids

mid-grade marijuana

Reid said he's got some mids, but im tryin to get some nuggs.

Published:9/18/2019 2:15:45 AM
[Comedy] On the arm

Getting something free of charge. Police lingo for free.

Dunkin Donuts girl: That will be $1.56 for that coffee officer.

Police Officer: You must be new here. This ones on the arm.

Published:9/17/2019 2:14:32 AM
[Comedy] Trumpspeak

A series of 2 or more sentences devoid of any real substance or insight, in which all subsequent sentences are just a rephrasing of the first.

When he said, "I am very highly educated. I know words. I have the best words." Is the typical trumpspeak i hear every time he talks.

"I don't hate mexicans. I love mexicans. I employ thousands of mexicans and by the way mexicans love me. They respect me. Everyone loves me."

Published:9/16/2019 2:33:23 AM
[Comedy] Headcanon

(also written as "head canon," but it's really one word.)

An idea, belief, or aspect of a story that is not mentioned in the media itself, but is accepted by either the media consumer themselves or the fandom in general. If it is confirmed by the creator of the story, it becomes canon.

In Homestuck , a popular webcomic , many suspect the headcanon that the trolls are carnivores, because of their natural homicidal tendencies and sharp teeth. It's never explicitly stated in the comic that this is true, but it'd be kind of dumb to assume they're a race known for salads and ice cream sundaes.

Published:9/15/2019 2:24:50 AM
[Comedy] has me dead

Something that kills you inside and stresses you out

That movie has me dead it was so bad

Published:9/14/2019 2:18:42 AM
[Comedy] Lois Lane is now a White House reporter — and an ‘enemy of the people’ The top reporter in comics has been updated for the Trump era, and gets her press pass revoked. Published:9/13/2019 6:12:57 AM
[Comedy] Trypophobia

A fear of holes. However, be warned that if you google this word unknowingly, you will encounter images of holes in human skin, often with something in them.

So I googled trypophobia one day, wondering what all the hype was. Now I have it.

Published:9/13/2019 2:11:03 AM
[Comedy] @KatieVallely00 Every girl who peaked in high school fucking loves posting a picture on Instagram of their khaki wearing boyfriend (who also looks like their dad) holding a baby (likely a niece/nephew) with the caption “my heart is so full”. Published:9/12/2019 8:38:14 AM
[Comedy] Raina Telgemeier became a hero to millions of readers by showing how uncomfortable growing up can be The graphic novelist has sold millions by baring her soul and tapping into a largely-overlooked female comics readership. Published:9/12/2019 7:06:08 AM
[Comedy] Pussy ass bitch

Huge coward. Piece of shit that doesn’t accept any responsibility. Takes credit for for an economy that Obama revived. Openly racist. Liar

“The President of the United States is a pussy ass bitch. “

Published:9/12/2019 2:08:40 AM
[Comedy] Thats that on that

most of the time used at the end of a persons argument

peaches: "i got an itchy coochie and thats that on that

Published:9/11/2019 2:31:02 AM
[Comedy] Sharpiegate

A Twitter trend that started after Donald Trump falsely claimed that Hurricane Dorian was going to strike Alabama (their local weather service told him otherwise). Despite the evidence of being proven wrong, Trump held a press conference in the Oval Office with a National Weather Service map apparently doctored with a cone shape displayed on parts of Alabama in a black marker.

It's embarrassing, possibly illegal and an especially strong indicator on just how insecure the President is. Instead of manning up and admitting that he made boo-boo, he prefers to whine about how "fake news" is being mean to him.

Sharpiegate makes me long for a a real leader

Published:9/10/2019 2:28:30 AM
[Comedy] @epsteinbrain girls born after 1938 don't know how to cook. all they know is doo wop, talk on rotary phone, fuck the milkman, vacuum barred out and lie Published:9/7/2019 1:39:22 PM
[Comedy] womble

idiot, dolt or fool, a person that wastes other people's time by endless waffling about one thing or another.Someone that interrupts a constructive conversation with a piece of irrelevant or unrelated information, often a personal story or anecdote, that doesn't apply at all. In the work environment this person is generally over paid and always under delivers due to their tendency to waste their own and everyone else's time.

That person is a fucking womble.

I wish they would stop wombling and get on with it.

Dont include them in the meeting if they are just going to womble on and on about complete bullshit

Published:9/7/2019 2:09:09 AM
[Comedy] big girl's blouse

British slang term for a wimpy, emasculated and weak man. In particular, one who complains immoderately.

Ya big girl's blouse! Grow a pair why don't ya.

Published:9/6/2019 2:29:22 AM
[Comedy] Kraft Dinner

What they call Macaroni & Cheese in Canada. The box actually says "Kraft Dinner" where it would normally say "Macaroni & Cheese". In Canada they accept this as perfectly normal.

"Kraft" is, of course, the company that makes the product and "Dinner" is what we will eat when it is done cooking. Be sure to prepare it with milk in a bag.

Even though Macaroni & Cheese is the all-American convenience food product, Canada consumes, per capita, more Kraft Dinner than the United States!

Published:9/5/2019 2:28:15 AM
[Comedy] The legendary editor who discovered ‘Cathy’ and ‘The Boondocks’ — and guided ‘Doonesbury’ Says Garry Trudeau, “Lee made wildly insecure artists feel supported and safe and empowered to take creative risks.” Published:9/4/2019 4:21:05 PM
[Comedy] Nuclear take

the most extreme version of a hot take. something that almost nobody except the most insane people would ever agree with

"The man was arguing for pedophilia being legal. This isn't even a hot take anymore, it's a god damn nuclear take"

Published:9/4/2019 2:17:49 AM
[Comedy] duhmerican

An utterly foolish or senseless, often racist person who comes from the United States and knows nothing about the rest of the world. Generally a Trump loving, NRA fanboy, complete moron.

On the news today there were hundreds of duhmericans at the Trump rally spewing their hate and ignorance.

Published:9/3/2019 2:13:27 AM
[Comedy] @Raptors__ Dude Rorschach is my favourite superhero i just wish his mask didnt have a picture of my parents fighting on it Published:9/2/2019 12:09:54 PM
[Comedy] lowkey a goddess

BEYONCE

beyonce is lowkey a goddess
Honey its just the queen herself

Published:9/2/2019 2:04:36 AM
[Comedy] @lifeattiffanys My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming along nicely, thanks for asking. Published:9/1/2019 9:31:07 AM
[Comedy] @MommaUnfiltered “I’m not your maid” I say under my breath as I walk around cleaning up after everyone. Published:8/31/2019 5:57:11 PM
[Comedy] vsco girl

the tumblr girls of 2019, you’ll probably catch them wearing a scrunchie, tube top, puka shell necklace, white vans or birkenstocks and don’t forget the hydroflask to finish off the look

Look at her instagram feed she’s such a vsco girl

Published:8/31/2019 2:23:57 AM
[Comedy] hit dem folks

A new dance when you raise your hand over your head and lift your leg

While daquan was hitting the whip I was killing the hit dem folks

Published:8/30/2019 2:20:16 AM
[Comedy] ‘Control’: A space-warping science fiction game with much to like but not a lot to love 'Control' is a weird game that would have benefited from being a lot weirder. Published:8/29/2019 12:43:22 PM
[Comedy] add oil

A Chinese expression of encouragement, often heard during sporting events or right before exams.

Chinese: ??
Mandarin: Jia1 You2
Cantonese: Ga1 Yau4

P1: I'm so screwed for this final. I haven't studied all semester.
P2: You'll do fine. Add oil!

or

P1: (participating in a sporting event)
P2: GA1 YAU4! GA1 YAU4!

Published:8/29/2019 2:10:57 AM
[Comedy] @TheRealSassy1 The fact that Head and Shoulders doesn't have a body wash called 'Knees and Toes' disappoints me. Published:8/28/2019 5:41:54 PM
[Comedy] ‘Black Panther II’: Five things we want to see in the 2022 sequel Will the Black Panther face off against one of Marvel’s oldest characters? Published:8/27/2019 11:29:55 AM
[Comedy] @Zaius13 The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation. Published:8/24/2019 10:15:31 AM
[Comedy] broship

A non-romantic pairing of two (or more) characters together. It focuses on the their relationship as friends, or occasionally as real blood-related brothers.

May be written as: "bro ship", "broship" or "bro!ship"

Relatable to: BrOTP

Ace, Luffy, and Sabo have the best bro!ship ever!
I love Edward and Al, they're my number one broship.
Yep, I bro!ship those two.

Published:8/24/2019 2:10:15 AM
[Comedy] @pant_leg you’re telling me a childhood made this trauma??? Published:8/23/2019 10:11:04 PM
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